Either I'm Still Drunk or I'm Hungover - The Girl Whisperer

Well then, I was planning on writing this post earlier with the fresh memories still looming, but then I realized that the room was spinning and I couldn't function properly. So i did the only respectable thing, went back to sleep for like 3 hours and now I feel great. So thus with no further ado I shall commence....


I've been hanging out with work people a lot recently. It's actually pretty cool because everyone is in their twenties so they're all pretty fun to work with. Don't take this the wrong way, and knowing me you shouldn't because I'm not a cocky person, but around the office I've got quite the reputation. I remember my first week everyone was overly excited about me, including my boss, and were all like "You're going to kill it" etc. Even people from other offices were talking about me and this other new kid Lucas. We were on a business trip in Southern Maryland, ran into some chicks from another office and the first thing they say is "Oh you are those two guys we keep hearing about?" Needless to say I initially had no idea what they meant but following my promotion into leadership I learned that pretty much every morning they talk about the new people in the office. To get back on point, this excitement about me carried outside of work as well. I don't really remember but I guess the first time I went out with anyone from the Office, I had a couple of girls talking to me and everyone assumed I was like a girl whisperer or something. Literally anytime someone from the office see's me out, they're like "Stev we hear that you do work" or Stev where are all the girls at, or Stev bring 2 brunettes with you when you come over tonight. Like I said I'm not trying to talk myself up here, it's just the way things are.

At first I was thrown off by this. I mean it's a lot of pressure to be consistent in the office but to be consistent galfing is even tougher. We all know it's a numbers game, I mean it's not called the theory of averages its called the LAW of averages. So naturally if someone see's me out One night of the weekend, the chances of me actually pulling a girl/hooking up with her are pretty slim...luckily last night was one of those occasions. But more importantly I realized that it wasn't necessarily about me getting girls, but everyone assumed I was great at getting the attention of girls, meaning I could just walk up to a group, take over the conversation, and basically get them involved with the people I was hanging out with...that part of it is pretty true.

Taking all this in, I came up with two goals for last night. My first goal was to remember the name of every person I met that night. FAIL. I am notoriously bad at this in general, so of course that is multiplied when I'm drunk. I did manage to kinda remember the girl from the evening though, well at least I know her last name, I'm foggy on the first name. My second goal was to pretty much live up to the expectations that everyone had for me. This goal was a success. Pretty much what I would do is anytime I was with one of the guys from the office I would ask them to pick out a girl they thought was cute, right after they pointed to one I would go up to her and bring her over. This is actually easier than one would seem, all you have to do is either tell them flat out why you're there (works more often then not) or ice break first, and then tell them exactly why you're there. I don't know if people thing I have some kind of "Secret pick-up line" but honestly its just general conversation that does the trick. Oh and for any who don't know this, all the conversation is centered around the person I'm talking to, I never talk about myself unless they ask. This is like a given, but just so everyone knows you should stick to this and you will at least have a cordial conversation even in rejection.

So yeah after a couple hours of doing this and making everyone even happier about me, our group split up and we headed to different bars. As I tend to notice what happens is that when people start drinking earlier in the night, like 7 or 8, they usually don't last to last call. I mean we're all working people who are used to waking up early and going to bed early, so hitting the sack at midnight after a few hours of drinking seems respectable. In any case this is what happened both last night and Friday night. While the group started to dwindle I found myself alone more often then not, as the couples of the group paired off. Now for some reason I wasn't tired yet, so I hung around the bar until last call. I saw this cute girl (well she was cute but what I really saw was her low cut shirt) sitting at the bar with like 4 guys around her. Now these guys were giving her some attention, but not the I'm trying to pick you up attention. This made me think that she was either a relative or a really good friend, and that she was available (meaning no boyfriend in that group). Moral of the story she was available, a sister of one of the guys, and visiting from somewhere in Pennsylvania. At this point the bouncers start to kick everyone out and she invites me back to their place to keep partying. She does take care to let me know that I will NOT be sleeping over, but then says that it's because its not her house and she was spending the night in her Brother's room. Now I have been in that kind of situation before, and usually when the owner of the bed returns he is NOT happy about some guy sleeping in his room, much less with her sister. So I agreed, and they actually lived a couple blocks to where my co-workers lived. fast forward through a game of kings and we were saying "hello" while cooking ramen. I'm guessing that everyone in the house had a sense for us wanting some alone time, because they literally all Ninja's out the house to "smoke" even though only one of them actually smoked. At this point we moved to one of the couches, only separating from each other to make sure the Ramen didn't burn. After awhile of hooking up and things getting a little intense for her (basically the way i hook up with people is to let it build. Start slowly with kissing, then work on full body contact, then I get to using my hands, tongue, and then of course intercourse, almost always in that order). Some girls are REALLY responsive to "hands" as was the case last night. Usually with this type they don't even want to play the whole foreplay game, and after the hands stage they want to go straight for the show. So once we were playing the hand game for awhile, she couldn't take it anymore and we stopped. She explained that she wanted to have sex really bad, but there was no where for us to go as the roommies could come back in at any time. I said I understood and we went back to kissing for awhile before I left. As I walk out of the house I am greeted by the roommates who are surprised to see my leave. I guess they were all prepared to give us as much time as we needed, which made me smile. Def some cool people to give us alone time like that.

Something neat that I learned last night is that you can purchase liquor at 3 am ha. Basically we went into a bar that was closing, and they sold us some six packs/12 packs of beer. I don't know if this is common practice but I thought it was really cool.


So no 49 yet, but dangerously close.