So I spent all of Saturday and some of Sunday in New York with Cassie and Becky, here's my grade for the great city.
Tourist Life: A++
Seriously, i feel like sometimes New York is meant to be a place only for tourists. Starting with my bus ride from Baltimore (Around 3 hours total) to my first couple of hours in the city I heard conversations in about 12 different languages. People of all ages flocked to the city to enjoy it's many attractions and it seemed like a family town more than anything. Of course this opinion comes from the main heart of the city where the skyscrapers loom tall and police officers comb just about every inch; for those of you who haven't been, there are also tons of lesser parts of the city but since I didn't slum it up this trip I won't factor that into my grade. Some of the highlights of this time around for me were the Staten Island Ferry, Wall Street, visiting the site of the WTC, and then somehow Cassie finding everything from Ann Arbor in New York. There were seriously like 5 monuments that we recognized from AA including our fabled "Cube" which powers the city. During the day-time there are a great number of ways to get around and we tried all of them save buses. So overall the place to be if you want to see a city covered in movies and television, and take hundreds of pictures, NYC is a must see.
People: A-
So NYC is filled with beautiful people, and I don't mean that there are some here and there but it is literally filled with beautiful people. I guess its kinda like the Hollywood of the east coast, even though we didn't see anyone famous. The fact that you can meet people from all walks of life really help the "A" here. I'm a real sucker for a beautiful girl speaking French or Italian or even some middle eastern language, they do flow so nicely off the tongue. The only reason for the - here is that NYC is very much a trendy city. I'm not a big fan of fashion trends or fads but since NYC is a huge fashion city people tend to dress alike. This trip we discovered that the P-coat is the jacket of choice for thousands of New Yorkers. On our three block walk to the dinner this morning we spotted 16 coats, not counting the ones inside the dinner.
Social Life:
Day Time: B+
NYC offers something for all ages. We didn't see any of this stuff but I know it's there. Daytime is the time for the jogger, causal or serious, the dog walkers, or just people wanting to get out. The various parks are kept relatively clean and plenty of activity can be found on the streets or in the stores. For some reason we happened to find a lot of skate boarders around but I guess Saturday afternoon at Battery Park will do that.
Nightlife: B
This part of the post is very subjective to me so I'm sure next time around I'll see enough to be able to give it a better grade. The main issue for me on the nightlife was just the basic gap between a lot of the bars. When you absolutely need to take a cab to get around, if you don't want an hour walk to every bar, then you really would like to get a cab quick. With the hundreds of cabs we saw, for some reason Saturday night it was nearly impossible to get one in a timely fashion. Mike D and I spent probably a total of an hour waiting for cabs Saturday night, not fun. Another downside to a big city, is yes the sheer number of people out. I know that sounds like a good thing, but when you have a hard time finding your way to the bar, wait for 10 minutes to get a drink, and then almost spill it before you reach your friends only to find out you have to stand to drink it, it gets a little annoying. So basically from the hours of 3-9 we loved it. Happy hours everywhere whom had "specials" that really just made drinks affordable, and the people were all so friendly. During the nighttime, the younger adults come out, drink prices shoot through the roof, and everyone is trying to get theirs, a little rough. With all that said, there is a bar for everyone. You can dance, you can sing, open mic, random 3$ cover charges and all. Next time around I think it best to have some sort of plan for the night, hitting up an area like East Village which I hear good things about. To this point I found a lot of solid single bars, but no area with a lot of them. For example, our evening bar hop took us like 20+ blocks of city.
Overall Perception: B+
I love NYC, but not enough to want to live there. It's a big city which by name is not meant for everyone. It's fast paced life and terrible traffic really make for a hectic travel day but hectic can also be exciting. There are an infinite amount of things to do and impossible to do and see nearly half of it in one trip, that alone makes you want to keep going back and back. A wonderful place to visit, I look forward to many more weekend bus rides and hopefully am able to really grasp the city, but much like Chicago, or LA, it's just not a city for me. With that being said, I do owe it to all these big cities to keep going to them so any of my friends out there who reside in them feel free to plan a visit and I will do my best to comply. To Cassie, it was great seeing you as always, its just like we never left the humble times of 1502. To Becky, you were a wonderful hostess, and you seem to be taking on that big city well. To Mike D...spidaman...What else can I say besides 4 loko gets us everytime. To Chin and Wheeler...and Mike O...here's to seeing you guys sometime soon.
One last thing...."Are you gonna nuke it?" - Imagine that is a drunk Cassie voice, man we really need to start to video tape this girl.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
The Beginning of the End: The Break-Up Song
How do you tell someone something that we know is going to hurt? How do we formulate the words in a perfect manner so as to limit the amount of pain that is sure to come? I like to think that I'm pretty good with words, I've spent a good deal of my life convincing people and persuading them to see things my way, but something of this nature never seems to go as planned. It can sound clear cut and perfect in your head, but as soon as you start saying the words, and you look them in the eyes and you can see the pain start to creep in behind them, you can see their throat swell a little bit, their breathing speed up and their heart race. At that moment, "the right thing" you think you're doing doesn't seem all so right after all. Let's take a couple steps back in my mind, to both the beginning and the final moments of my thoughts that led me to this end...
I spent 5 years at college telling myself I wasn't "ready" for or didn't "want" a relationship. Things worked out pretty well for me. I got a big boy job and decided that maybe it was time for me to get a big boy social life as well, a couple of good friends and even a girlfriend. Up to this point Kerry was simply known as "45" and held no real precedent in my thought process.
Time went on a Kerry expressed, in no real direct way, her interests for a relationship and her lack of comfort with the idea of being "untitled" for a long period of time. It was at this point that I decided on a leap of faith. Afterall, how can you really know when you're ready and if it'll work out unless you give it a chance. I knew this girl for over a year and a half and had a couple of good reasons to date her and none not to.
A few months go by and we spend a lot of time together. You know how they say the first couple months are the honeymoon phase? Well it doesn't usually work that way for me at all. My first couple of months always seem to be the trial of "how many things can I find wrong with you that I didn't see before." To clarify, these aren't real things wrong with the girl, just things that go against my "type."
I'll take a little break and explain something to you guys, when I say "my type" what I really mean is an idealistic set of traits that my perfect girlfriend would have. Naturally I don't expect any girl to have all of these qualities, but usually when I have to cross out too many I think it's time I moved on to someone else. They aren't impossible standards either, some examples of things on this list are; someone I'm attracted to, a girl who likes to dance, a girl who shows affection, a girl who expresses her thoughts and feelings, someone who knows what they want and will go for it, not ashamed to be with me, limited insecurities...etc So basically, all of my break-ups have come from a standpoint of me not being able to give up on any more of these traits that I believe my future/potential partner will have.
So the first couple of months I was sad to find that certain key things on my list had be missing. She doesn't like to dance with me (apparently she does like to dance, just not really with me or has to be really in the mood), I didn't care for most of her friends, she wasn't very expressive or affectionate, held things in until she got drunk and blew up....so I was pretty worried at this point. However I'm an optimistic person so I decided to talk things over before making any rash decisions (I should note that she thought I was going to break up with her at this point, I wonder why?). After this talk I waited some more to see if things would change as she said she would try to.
While I waited I decided that maybe I would help her by changing the way I looked at certain things. I gave up on trying to befriend her friends and just became cordial with them to see how things went. I would go out of my way to ask her opinion and feelings on things, and press her to tell me when she was feeling certain ways. This is pretty much the stage of where I was at for the last two weeks or so.
After a phone conversation with a friend, I came to a roadblock question, how much of Kerry was I willing to change for my own good? Like how much of her personality did I want to change and how much could I even change. It came to my attention that there really comes to a certain point when you have to understand the personality of that person, because we are all who we are from our past. There are parts of her that are pretty permanent, they've been there for almost 22 years and I just wasn't comfortable with being the one to try and change them. I had been down that road before, completely transforming myself and someone else for a relationship and well that isn't what it's all about. I believe compromises are a big part of any lasting relationship, but too much compromise and change is deadly.
Tonight my thoughts are: Kerry is a sweetheart. I think she's a lovely girl but at the end of the day she's too nice for me. Not too nice to me or I don't deserve her, but that innocence that is at her core, is something that just doesn't appeal to me really. You guys know I'm not typical nice guy, I've done my wrong and hurt a good number of people, I cannot think that I would corrupt such an innocent soul just to have her not meet my standards later on in life. It sounds weird and makes more sense in my head but that's pretty much what it comes down to. From my own personal standpoint, I'm at the place where I don't feel like giving up certain things anymore, and anything else I would want her to change would just seem like asking too much. I know for a fact that I will not be able to fall in love with her the way she is, my feelings haven't progressed for quite some time now, and once I realize this then there is literally no longer a point in pursuing this kind of relationship.
Now we are back to the beginning of this post, which is the question of how to end it. I will try to explain to her what I explained here, in as nice a way as I can think but will it be good enough? Is there really such a thing as a good break up if it's only one way? I am almost certain that she doesn't feel the same way as me. Tonight only solidifies my belief.
A little anecdote. Last night Kerry had a couple friends over but never asked me to come. Her way of inviting me over, or rather telling me she wanted me to come over was by dropping little hints via text message. One such hint "Phil (the only guy friend of hers I like) is here and wants to see you," The other was a message later in the night "We are going out in Towson (the college town in which I live 5 minutes from)." Tonight when I asked her why she didn't tell me she wanted me to join, when she knew I was at home doing nothing she just said she didn't know if I'd want to? And that she'd try to hint at it with those two messages....Once I explained to her again that that was no good she felt back and apologized with a forced kiss (literally pulled my face in) when she left.
I can honestly say this will be the hardest break-up that I personally have to instigate. March is her birthday month and I know she has all kinds of plans because it's my birthday month too, but the longer I wait the worse it will be. I've tried to hold on to the belief that things will work out but how much waiting before the good times roll. At the end of the day, I rarely have fun when I go out with her in a group setting, and conversations over the phone never feel natural. I guess for all the game I talk to people about being able to let go of something that isn't good for them, it's time I walked the walk.
Goodnight.
I spent 5 years at college telling myself I wasn't "ready" for or didn't "want" a relationship. Things worked out pretty well for me. I got a big boy job and decided that maybe it was time for me to get a big boy social life as well, a couple of good friends and even a girlfriend. Up to this point Kerry was simply known as "45" and held no real precedent in my thought process.
Time went on a Kerry expressed, in no real direct way, her interests for a relationship and her lack of comfort with the idea of being "untitled" for a long period of time. It was at this point that I decided on a leap of faith. Afterall, how can you really know when you're ready and if it'll work out unless you give it a chance. I knew this girl for over a year and a half and had a couple of good reasons to date her and none not to.
A few months go by and we spend a lot of time together. You know how they say the first couple months are the honeymoon phase? Well it doesn't usually work that way for me at all. My first couple of months always seem to be the trial of "how many things can I find wrong with you that I didn't see before." To clarify, these aren't real things wrong with the girl, just things that go against my "type."
I'll take a little break and explain something to you guys, when I say "my type" what I really mean is an idealistic set of traits that my perfect girlfriend would have. Naturally I don't expect any girl to have all of these qualities, but usually when I have to cross out too many I think it's time I moved on to someone else. They aren't impossible standards either, some examples of things on this list are; someone I'm attracted to, a girl who likes to dance, a girl who shows affection, a girl who expresses her thoughts and feelings, someone who knows what they want and will go for it, not ashamed to be with me, limited insecurities...etc So basically, all of my break-ups have come from a standpoint of me not being able to give up on any more of these traits that I believe my future/potential partner will have.
So the first couple of months I was sad to find that certain key things on my list had be missing. She doesn't like to dance with me (apparently she does like to dance, just not really with me or has to be really in the mood), I didn't care for most of her friends, she wasn't very expressive or affectionate, held things in until she got drunk and blew up....so I was pretty worried at this point. However I'm an optimistic person so I decided to talk things over before making any rash decisions (I should note that she thought I was going to break up with her at this point, I wonder why?). After this talk I waited some more to see if things would change as she said she would try to.
While I waited I decided that maybe I would help her by changing the way I looked at certain things. I gave up on trying to befriend her friends and just became cordial with them to see how things went. I would go out of my way to ask her opinion and feelings on things, and press her to tell me when she was feeling certain ways. This is pretty much the stage of where I was at for the last two weeks or so.
After a phone conversation with a friend, I came to a roadblock question, how much of Kerry was I willing to change for my own good? Like how much of her personality did I want to change and how much could I even change. It came to my attention that there really comes to a certain point when you have to understand the personality of that person, because we are all who we are from our past. There are parts of her that are pretty permanent, they've been there for almost 22 years and I just wasn't comfortable with being the one to try and change them. I had been down that road before, completely transforming myself and someone else for a relationship and well that isn't what it's all about. I believe compromises are a big part of any lasting relationship, but too much compromise and change is deadly.
Tonight my thoughts are: Kerry is a sweetheart. I think she's a lovely girl but at the end of the day she's too nice for me. Not too nice to me or I don't deserve her, but that innocence that is at her core, is something that just doesn't appeal to me really. You guys know I'm not typical nice guy, I've done my wrong and hurt a good number of people, I cannot think that I would corrupt such an innocent soul just to have her not meet my standards later on in life. It sounds weird and makes more sense in my head but that's pretty much what it comes down to. From my own personal standpoint, I'm at the place where I don't feel like giving up certain things anymore, and anything else I would want her to change would just seem like asking too much. I know for a fact that I will not be able to fall in love with her the way she is, my feelings haven't progressed for quite some time now, and once I realize this then there is literally no longer a point in pursuing this kind of relationship.
Now we are back to the beginning of this post, which is the question of how to end it. I will try to explain to her what I explained here, in as nice a way as I can think but will it be good enough? Is there really such a thing as a good break up if it's only one way? I am almost certain that she doesn't feel the same way as me. Tonight only solidifies my belief.
A little anecdote. Last night Kerry had a couple friends over but never asked me to come. Her way of inviting me over, or rather telling me she wanted me to come over was by dropping little hints via text message. One such hint "Phil (the only guy friend of hers I like) is here and wants to see you," The other was a message later in the night "We are going out in Towson (the college town in which I live 5 minutes from)." Tonight when I asked her why she didn't tell me she wanted me to join, when she knew I was at home doing nothing she just said she didn't know if I'd want to? And that she'd try to hint at it with those two messages....Once I explained to her again that that was no good she felt back and apologized with a forced kiss (literally pulled my face in) when she left.
I can honestly say this will be the hardest break-up that I personally have to instigate. March is her birthday month and I know she has all kinds of plans because it's my birthday month too, but the longer I wait the worse it will be. I've tried to hold on to the belief that things will work out but how much waiting before the good times roll. At the end of the day, I rarely have fun when I go out with her in a group setting, and conversations over the phone never feel natural. I guess for all the game I talk to people about being able to let go of something that isn't good for them, it's time I walked the walk.
Goodnight.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
The Chicken or the Egg
Before I get started, someone please tell Wheeler to make a blog post, at least his intro blog post that updates us in semi detail about his new life.
So what came first, the chicken or the egg? Well recently I've been wondering what is best to have first, the relationship or the friendship? My little sister just broke up with her boyfriend, usually I don't put much stock in following her dating life but the reasons she gave were of note to me. Basically she said that her and her ex were best friends and that ultimately hurt them relationship wise because they knew each other too well. Not sure if I believe and agree with all that but I just thought it was an interesting reason anyway. Everyday you guys by now know I struggle with this whole relationship thing with Kerry. After a very good talk with a friend the other day I realized that Kerry and I work pretty good as a couple, but just awful as friends, allow me to explain.
I met Kerry the last couple weeks of my 4th year summer at UM while I was home in Baltimore. We made out a couple times, and I told her I would be back after graduation in December. As you guys know I didn't go home until well into the following summer but pretty much Kerry waited for me the whole time. She came to visit UM once and I would talk to her a couple times a month while at school. So this girl that I didn't really spend any time with, became pretty attached to me and we got to know each other on that surface level, the one which you get from long distance conversations and not personal interactions. When I finally came back to Maryland, I decided to give her a chance, for reasons good or bad. It was like I had been in a relationship for a year, emotionally, but I had no idea what hanging out with her would be like and being a part of her life in person. I think this is the biggest issue for me, being a part of her life. When it's just the two of us we have a good time, we'll have dinner, watch movies, talk whatever. When I invite her to things that I plan or am a part of planning she also has a good time. I mean I'd like to think that I do a good job of hosting and letting people feel like they're apart of the group even if they don't know anyone besides me. On the other hand, I have had a handful of fun nights when I hang out with her and her friends. I used to think it was just them being weird because I was this untitled person that "belonged' to Kerry, but once I became the boyfriend things didn't get much better. Then I realized that I just don't like her friends. Sounds kinda mean but I don't think that they are terribly fun people, and they don't really like to do the same things as me. Something as simple as a game of kings or a bp tourney somehow becomes not fun as they lose interest and disappear and just talk about crap I don't care about. Needless to say I could never enjoy a good game of "you got served" with this group. Now it's not all of her friends, she has about 3 of them that I think would be a great time but Kerry isn't the planner in the group, and doesn't speak up so she just does whatever other people decide. Even taking all this into account I can still get by with pretending to be nice and having fun, i'm good at that, but the one thing that seems to stop it is Kerry herself. If i go through the trouble of hanging out with her and her friends, it is not so I can be left alone at the bar or in a corner while they do their own thing. I mean I'm not a jealous guy anymore or needy so I let her venture off and do what she wants, I let guys buy her drinks and flirt or whatever, no big deal, but at the end of the night when she says "I didn't get to see you much" I'm confused because it was her choice. My personality type doesn't allow for someone who just wants to see me when its convenient for them after they've had their fun, it just seems that pretty much she wants me out with her so she can guarantee I go home with her, and then she can have her fun with me there. If this was a friend with benefit situation then sure no problem at all, but when you go out of your way to ask for a relationship and then do things like that....ugh.
The other thing I guess I'm beginning to realize that she just isn't my type. Little late right? Well now I've having the problem of deciding what to do next. The logical step seems to be a break up right? Well yes but I think i'll try the, "let's try to be friends for awhile" route. Usually i don't like to follow mundane and cliché excuses but seriously, I think thats the part of our relationship that needs the most work. You know how you haven't seen someone for awhile and you want to talk about what they've been up to, or hear about her day, or genuinely be interested in them...yeah not so much for me. I seem to get annoyed by her day more so than anything, usually because it involves something to do with her friends or roommates and its just not interesting...
Man that was a pretty big vent session. My biggest concern seems to be meeting new people, as always. I worry that without Kerry I'll have no one to go out with and stuff, but honestly if I don't have fun then what's the point anyway. Suppose it's time to man up and just have the convo instead of being a punk and listen to my own advice for once.
Thanks for Listening.
So what came first, the chicken or the egg? Well recently I've been wondering what is best to have first, the relationship or the friendship? My little sister just broke up with her boyfriend, usually I don't put much stock in following her dating life but the reasons she gave were of note to me. Basically she said that her and her ex were best friends and that ultimately hurt them relationship wise because they knew each other too well. Not sure if I believe and agree with all that but I just thought it was an interesting reason anyway. Everyday you guys by now know I struggle with this whole relationship thing with Kerry. After a very good talk with a friend the other day I realized that Kerry and I work pretty good as a couple, but just awful as friends, allow me to explain.
I met Kerry the last couple weeks of my 4th year summer at UM while I was home in Baltimore. We made out a couple times, and I told her I would be back after graduation in December. As you guys know I didn't go home until well into the following summer but pretty much Kerry waited for me the whole time. She came to visit UM once and I would talk to her a couple times a month while at school. So this girl that I didn't really spend any time with, became pretty attached to me and we got to know each other on that surface level, the one which you get from long distance conversations and not personal interactions. When I finally came back to Maryland, I decided to give her a chance, for reasons good or bad. It was like I had been in a relationship for a year, emotionally, but I had no idea what hanging out with her would be like and being a part of her life in person. I think this is the biggest issue for me, being a part of her life. When it's just the two of us we have a good time, we'll have dinner, watch movies, talk whatever. When I invite her to things that I plan or am a part of planning she also has a good time. I mean I'd like to think that I do a good job of hosting and letting people feel like they're apart of the group even if they don't know anyone besides me. On the other hand, I have had a handful of fun nights when I hang out with her and her friends. I used to think it was just them being weird because I was this untitled person that "belonged' to Kerry, but once I became the boyfriend things didn't get much better. Then I realized that I just don't like her friends. Sounds kinda mean but I don't think that they are terribly fun people, and they don't really like to do the same things as me. Something as simple as a game of kings or a bp tourney somehow becomes not fun as they lose interest and disappear and just talk about crap I don't care about. Needless to say I could never enjoy a good game of "you got served" with this group. Now it's not all of her friends, she has about 3 of them that I think would be a great time but Kerry isn't the planner in the group, and doesn't speak up so she just does whatever other people decide. Even taking all this into account I can still get by with pretending to be nice and having fun, i'm good at that, but the one thing that seems to stop it is Kerry herself. If i go through the trouble of hanging out with her and her friends, it is not so I can be left alone at the bar or in a corner while they do their own thing. I mean I'm not a jealous guy anymore or needy so I let her venture off and do what she wants, I let guys buy her drinks and flirt or whatever, no big deal, but at the end of the night when she says "I didn't get to see you much" I'm confused because it was her choice. My personality type doesn't allow for someone who just wants to see me when its convenient for them after they've had their fun, it just seems that pretty much she wants me out with her so she can guarantee I go home with her, and then she can have her fun with me there. If this was a friend with benefit situation then sure no problem at all, but when you go out of your way to ask for a relationship and then do things like that....ugh.
The other thing I guess I'm beginning to realize that she just isn't my type. Little late right? Well now I've having the problem of deciding what to do next. The logical step seems to be a break up right? Well yes but I think i'll try the, "let's try to be friends for awhile" route. Usually i don't like to follow mundane and cliché excuses but seriously, I think thats the part of our relationship that needs the most work. You know how you haven't seen someone for awhile and you want to talk about what they've been up to, or hear about her day, or genuinely be interested in them...yeah not so much for me. I seem to get annoyed by her day more so than anything, usually because it involves something to do with her friends or roommates and its just not interesting...
Man that was a pretty big vent session. My biggest concern seems to be meeting new people, as always. I worry that without Kerry I'll have no one to go out with and stuff, but honestly if I don't have fun then what's the point anyway. Suppose it's time to man up and just have the convo instead of being a punk and listen to my own advice for once.
Thanks for Listening.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Step in the Name of Love
Ah I just got a text from Sweeney reminding me of the best time of year, when the cute girls come out of hibernation and show themselves again...Seriously Ann Arbor how I do miss you.
Anyways, I was thinking last night, after Kerry used my taboo phrase "I'm not drunk enough to dance," how much stock do I really have in things I do and don't like in women. Yes I know that statement was confusing and doesn't make sense but allow me to explain. You know how we say that certain things we like and don't like in guys/girls, like smoking and things like that. Well for me, as long as I can remember, I needed a girl to not be able to dance really but WANT to dance. You guys know the story of how my girlfriend in high school refused to go to Senior Prom with me because we feared dancing with me, yeah well since then I've absolutely boasted about how I need a girl to dance if i'm to be with her. Well last night I realized that Kerry doesn't dance. I guess I never really paid attention to it before, mainly because I let her do her gf thing when she's out but last night a song came on and I wanted to dance only to be denied by her. And the worst part of all, she went on to compare herself with my high school ex and said something like I should know the feeling by now. I was baffled. But the point is, Do I Really care about things like that, or are those just idealistic views we hold until the reality of situations cause us to change our minds. I find myself, more often than not, thinking to myself "man I hate when girls say/do that" but I'm always talking about something Kerry is doing when I say it. It makes me sad actually because I was doing my best to be a good boyfriend and all, but I can't compromise all my feelings to do so. Like for some reason, I really want to be able to dance with my girlfriend, and right now that's something I can't do. I had a flashback of Ricks last night, the nights where we could just go on stage and dance with ourselves, switching partners and just having fun. Kerry's friends are too "uncomfortable" to dance with me and she doesn't "feel' like it....Bad combination. Worst part of it all, I see so many willing faces out in the crowds and I find it hard to hold back from just going out on the dance floor and reliving out glory days. Oh well.
Ah well, all is good because a week from tonight I'll be dancing away in some overpriced bar in New York with Cassie and I'm sure some guy who's too busy staring at her boobs to even notice I'm there. Good times! ha ha
I just spent a good half hour watching some Mock Rock Videos and let me say I was not impressed. The Track guys put up a good showing, I'm proud of them and believe that they'll continue to have strong performances in the post Waithe era, as for the other teams, really? I didn't get to see volleyball but it looked like they were pretty good. I thought Crew was entertaining but not so much for dancing. All in all, probably not worth the ticket price.
Here's to girls being on UM's campus again.
Anyways, I was thinking last night, after Kerry used my taboo phrase "I'm not drunk enough to dance," how much stock do I really have in things I do and don't like in women. Yes I know that statement was confusing and doesn't make sense but allow me to explain. You know how we say that certain things we like and don't like in guys/girls, like smoking and things like that. Well for me, as long as I can remember, I needed a girl to not be able to dance really but WANT to dance. You guys know the story of how my girlfriend in high school refused to go to Senior Prom with me because we feared dancing with me, yeah well since then I've absolutely boasted about how I need a girl to dance if i'm to be with her. Well last night I realized that Kerry doesn't dance. I guess I never really paid attention to it before, mainly because I let her do her gf thing when she's out but last night a song came on and I wanted to dance only to be denied by her. And the worst part of all, she went on to compare herself with my high school ex and said something like I should know the feeling by now. I was baffled. But the point is, Do I Really care about things like that, or are those just idealistic views we hold until the reality of situations cause us to change our minds. I find myself, more often than not, thinking to myself "man I hate when girls say/do that" but I'm always talking about something Kerry is doing when I say it. It makes me sad actually because I was doing my best to be a good boyfriend and all, but I can't compromise all my feelings to do so. Like for some reason, I really want to be able to dance with my girlfriend, and right now that's something I can't do. I had a flashback of Ricks last night, the nights where we could just go on stage and dance with ourselves, switching partners and just having fun. Kerry's friends are too "uncomfortable" to dance with me and she doesn't "feel' like it....Bad combination. Worst part of it all, I see so many willing faces out in the crowds and I find it hard to hold back from just going out on the dance floor and reliving out glory days. Oh well.
Ah well, all is good because a week from tonight I'll be dancing away in some overpriced bar in New York with Cassie and I'm sure some guy who's too busy staring at her boobs to even notice I'm there. Good times! ha ha
I just spent a good half hour watching some Mock Rock Videos and let me say I was not impressed. The Track guys put up a good showing, I'm proud of them and believe that they'll continue to have strong performances in the post Waithe era, as for the other teams, really? I didn't get to see volleyball but it looked like they were pretty good. I thought Crew was entertaining but not so much for dancing. All in all, probably not worth the ticket price.
Here's to girls being on UM's campus again.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Lesser Than
Happy Belated Valentine's Day to everyone out there. I wonder what this day will be like for us a year from now? Or maybe two years? I remember we were all together in 1502 for it last year, oddly enough that was during the Weekend where Kerry came to visit. Anyways to sum up my day, we were supposed to have a basketball game but it got canceled, water main break. I had a teaching gig in school, 11th grade english, it sucked, kids stink. And I sent Kerry flowers to her home which she got on her way to work, then went to Red Robin with my family to surprise her and see her. Not the most Romantic places but it made it feel like I was having dinner with her as well as my family ha. Cassie sent me a pretty weird but oddly sweet V-day card and it made me wonder if we're ever, and by we I mean all of us, going to develop any traditions or things that we do every year. The whole reunion idea is great but we have yet to all be in the same place at the same time, for instance next weekend I'll be joining Cassie and Mike D in NYC but it'll be just the three of us. I guess if we were to develop any traditions it would be different for each one of us as we each seem to have very different relationships with each other. I can't really pin point how we are as a group anymore since its been a long time since we've all been together but I was curious to see if there were any ideas floating out there. Or maybe thats wrong, maybe traditions just get started all on their own, like moments where things just happen to work out and we're like "we should do this every year." If thats the case then I suppose time alone will tell how our relationships continue to develop. Speaking of relationships....anyone out there besides me in one? While I still have hit an emotional stall with Kerry, I still haven't convinced myself that it's enough to break up with her yet, I guess it'll either happen over time, or some great negative event will occur, or perhaps I'll surprise myself and find a reason to move forward with her.
Sadly enough, the level of blog worthy excitement in my life ends at those few thoughts there. Hopefully the March 1st start of Outdoor track season will bring a nice change of pace to my life, one of which I can blog about. Also there's this (who I believe) really cute teacher at my school that (as I'm told) is single, and I'm taking recommendation on how to approach her (from a friendship standpoint of course). I still have not made any new headway on my quest to friend a group of workable friends in Maryland, and by workable I really only mean people who don't live across the country from me. Maybe one of these day's we'll both find ourselves with a free period in the teachers lounge because I figure that's where all the academic romances blossom.
Sadly enough, the level of blog worthy excitement in my life ends at those few thoughts there. Hopefully the March 1st start of Outdoor track season will bring a nice change of pace to my life, one of which I can blog about. Also there's this (who I believe) really cute teacher at my school that (as I'm told) is single, and I'm taking recommendation on how to approach her (from a friendship standpoint of course). I still have not made any new headway on my quest to friend a group of workable friends in Maryland, and by workable I really only mean people who don't live across the country from me. Maybe one of these day's we'll both find ourselves with a free period in the teachers lounge because I figure that's where all the academic romances blossom.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Pursuit of Jappiness
I just saw this video being shared by a bunch of UM people and I must say I enjoyed it. it's worth a watch so check it out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fvP4OACmWw . Ok now that that's out of the way onto the subject of my post:
Two things that should never be mixed, PMS and ALCOHOL...Seriously, last night was not a very pleasant night for me. Kerry just started her period and hence was VERY emotional, that coupled with alcohol almost made me just want to give it all up there. I mean it wasn't that I didn't deserve her bombardment of period induced emotional stress, but it still sucked. A bit of background; Kelsey came in from Cali to visit a school in Baltimore for PT graduate school, so I hung out with her Wednesday night. I went down to the city with Stann, then went drinking with Stann, Liz, and Kelsey. After the night I spent the night in Kelsey's hotel room out of convenience and not wanting to drive back home drunk. Moral of the story I didn't tell Kerry about this before hand, and when I told her I was hangin with a friend I didn't tell her which friend or the nature of my relationship with her. So she was upset, alright cool. She came over to talk about her feelings, even better....But then that thing happens that girls seem to love, getting really drunk and pouring out, well more like unleashing the great waterfall that is all of their negative emotions....For someone who I'm sure I won't be getting more serious with it was pretty difficult for me to want to put up with her crying and screaming and unwillingness to have a rational conversation. Mind you thats how most girls get drunk and a lot of guys to, but I really thought I was past that phase. Its not the 2nd time I've seen this drunken side of Kerry and yeah hopefully its the last, I can't imagine having to put up with it on a even partially regular basis.
We all have our random behavioral traits that we struggle with from the past, mine is acting Shady. You guys have all witnessed it, I randomly leave sometimes without telling you where I'm going except for saying "On a walk" or "Out" or to "meet someone" I don't mean to sound like some kind of creeper out patrolling the streets but thats the way it comes across. This behavior of mine did not sit well with a PMSing Kerry and it was just dangerous being around her with that much emotional strain. I didn't realize that girls get drunk quicker on their period too, but now I know and I'm pretty sure Im going to stay away from alcohol that time of the month. I mean it got to the point where she was begging me to buy her drinks, when I refused she went on a quest to find a guy to buy her one (which I don't mind, im all for a freebie if they want to buy her one), the only problem was this quest came back in a tearful failure as she cried because literally some kind brushed her aside...Yeah he pretty much said no and wanted to get to the bar and ignored her which hurt her to the point of tears. So i'm going to go ahead and not induce drinking around Kerry too much from now on, it just creates some pretty bad situations.
On a brighter side, I just weighed in at my heaviest ever 200 lbs. I never really thought I would see the day, I remember almost trying to force myself to get to 200 in college just to see what it was like, and yet here I am getting there without any kind of glory and not nearly feeling as good as I used to. I would clearly point to my obsession with eating and not working out much as the root to this problem. Whenever I'm home I've always gained a few pounds, without alcohol mind you, just because my mom loves to have food around me and i love to eat. Im going to have to learn how to not just eat because there is food around me, and drinking and not running everyday have only worsened my cause....I say bright side because somehow I don't look bad at 200. I always figured it sounded like a "heavy" number but I guess my days of being skinny are behind me. I suppose now I can just work on replacing the fat with muscle and getting lean but not trying to be my old weight...Chin mentioned being more like our parents, and now I see I'm on my way to developing my dad's beer belly skinny guy look. So my new quest is to embrace being a bigger person but not let myself slip and end up looking like a freshmen girl who 2 months ago broke up with her 3 year high school boyfriend. Cheers to generally being fit again.
And seriously check out that video, if you know anything about UM greek life you should at least enjoy a watch of it.
Two things that should never be mixed, PMS and ALCOHOL...Seriously, last night was not a very pleasant night for me. Kerry just started her period and hence was VERY emotional, that coupled with alcohol almost made me just want to give it all up there. I mean it wasn't that I didn't deserve her bombardment of period induced emotional stress, but it still sucked. A bit of background; Kelsey came in from Cali to visit a school in Baltimore for PT graduate school, so I hung out with her Wednesday night. I went down to the city with Stann, then went drinking with Stann, Liz, and Kelsey. After the night I spent the night in Kelsey's hotel room out of convenience and not wanting to drive back home drunk. Moral of the story I didn't tell Kerry about this before hand, and when I told her I was hangin with a friend I didn't tell her which friend or the nature of my relationship with her. So she was upset, alright cool. She came over to talk about her feelings, even better....But then that thing happens that girls seem to love, getting really drunk and pouring out, well more like unleashing the great waterfall that is all of their negative emotions....For someone who I'm sure I won't be getting more serious with it was pretty difficult for me to want to put up with her crying and screaming and unwillingness to have a rational conversation. Mind you thats how most girls get drunk and a lot of guys to, but I really thought I was past that phase. Its not the 2nd time I've seen this drunken side of Kerry and yeah hopefully its the last, I can't imagine having to put up with it on a even partially regular basis.
We all have our random behavioral traits that we struggle with from the past, mine is acting Shady. You guys have all witnessed it, I randomly leave sometimes without telling you where I'm going except for saying "On a walk" or "Out" or to "meet someone" I don't mean to sound like some kind of creeper out patrolling the streets but thats the way it comes across. This behavior of mine did not sit well with a PMSing Kerry and it was just dangerous being around her with that much emotional strain. I didn't realize that girls get drunk quicker on their period too, but now I know and I'm pretty sure Im going to stay away from alcohol that time of the month. I mean it got to the point where she was begging me to buy her drinks, when I refused she went on a quest to find a guy to buy her one (which I don't mind, im all for a freebie if they want to buy her one), the only problem was this quest came back in a tearful failure as she cried because literally some kind brushed her aside...Yeah he pretty much said no and wanted to get to the bar and ignored her which hurt her to the point of tears. So i'm going to go ahead and not induce drinking around Kerry too much from now on, it just creates some pretty bad situations.
On a brighter side, I just weighed in at my heaviest ever 200 lbs. I never really thought I would see the day, I remember almost trying to force myself to get to 200 in college just to see what it was like, and yet here I am getting there without any kind of glory and not nearly feeling as good as I used to. I would clearly point to my obsession with eating and not working out much as the root to this problem. Whenever I'm home I've always gained a few pounds, without alcohol mind you, just because my mom loves to have food around me and i love to eat. Im going to have to learn how to not just eat because there is food around me, and drinking and not running everyday have only worsened my cause....I say bright side because somehow I don't look bad at 200. I always figured it sounded like a "heavy" number but I guess my days of being skinny are behind me. I suppose now I can just work on replacing the fat with muscle and getting lean but not trying to be my old weight...Chin mentioned being more like our parents, and now I see I'm on my way to developing my dad's beer belly skinny guy look. So my new quest is to embrace being a bigger person but not let myself slip and end up looking like a freshmen girl who 2 months ago broke up with her 3 year high school boyfriend. Cheers to generally being fit again.
And seriously check out that video, if you know anything about UM greek life you should at least enjoy a watch of it.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Charm City
Some recent events in my life:
Kelsey from Cali came to Baltimore to have a PT grad school interview. We had a really nice time catching up and going out on a wednesday.
Our basketball team went on a 6 game winning streak only to be blown out by 30 Wednesday night, a game I did not attend.
Cassie is planning a NYC trip for the 25th or so of Feb...and I discovered I have a good deal of Facebook friends who now live in New York.
I've hit a relationship wall...Well not a relationship wall, more a Kerry wall. Like I mentioned on Chin's blog relationships just seem to be against my person at this point in time. That coupled with the fact that my physical and mental attraction to Kerry are at a point where they do not increase, it's making it particularly hard for me to see a bright future ahead. Don't get me wrong, Kerry is a pretty incredible girl, she's very attractive and a sweetheart. But you have to remember that I'm most attracted to pretty weird girls. I dunno what it is, maybe because I myself am a pretty weird person, or maybe it's because I spend all my time reading and rereading people that It's nice to have a refreshing crazy person who's hard to predict. I used to think I was a front runner in the marriage of 1502 debate, but I think i'm taking a seat to Mike O and Wheeler here. I say Wheeler of course because at the drop of a dime he can settle down and be serious with a girl, Mike because well he has nothing else to do now and might settle down out of boredom and lack of prospects. I am confident that when the time is right, I'll settle down and get serious pretty easily, I mean once I get to that point I'm certain i'll already know the girl enough to be safe with the idea of being married etc...As sad as it is to say, i just don't see myself marrying anyone I know right now. I know thats quite a jump from dating but I have known Kerry for over a year and half now so it's not like i don't know what I'm getting...I used to think that you could change people to be your "type" or what you were looking for. Now I believe that is complete Bullocks. Honestly, people have to be allowed to be themselves. Sure there are times when one person in a relationship concedes to the other because thats what you do when you're in love, but the basics of that person do not change. At some point you have to realize that you just aren't really compatible or a match with that person.
It's not that the prospects of Baltimore or Towson seem so much better to me, infact they seem pretty slim, but that isnt the reason for my declining interest. I felt like I was just waiting, waiting for a "a ha" moment where I fell for Kerry all over again....that moment I fear isn't really coming. I am certain of one thing now though, I can and will be a great boyfriend for whoever I date. I like doing things for girls, surprising them, sending flowers, leaving little notes, you know all that cute stuff, so relationships themselves are appealing to me, I think I just need to not allow myself to settle because of my situation.....There's a saying that we overuse in basketball when we coach, "Time and Situation" Thats usually meant to tell the kids to slow or speed the game up depending on if we have the lead or are losing, but I think it works more generally as well.
Allow me to explain: I move back home knowing that Kerry has been waiting for me my entire 5th year at Michigan. I pretty much disowned all my high school friends and have spent almost no time going out in maryland since college so I have no kind of social network. In comes Kerry still very much in like with me bringing a whole new world of college all over again. All her friends are still in school and doing the partying thing and that appeals to me. I feel safe letting myself become assimilated into her world and just go with the flow. I tolerate her friends and crazy roommates because well I think it's what I want and should do. Theres nothing wrong with that right? We are meant to learn by Trial and Error and that can't happen without the Trial part. So what have I learned...that just by being with someone doesn't mean you'll continue to feel the same way as before or even that your feelings will grow...The thing about long distant relationships are that you never really know what it'll be like when you're together, now I know.
Next comes the hardest part of dating, ending the relationship. I don't really know how to progress here, I mean I would be a hypocrite if I didn't express to her my feelings first, the way I just did here, but this always ends one way, with Someone getting hurt, even if mildly. Well I can only hope that when she thinks of the guy she lost her virginity to she doesn't think all bad thoughts...like unfortunately some girls out there probably do...I should note that I'm not doing anything now, just thinking through it and writing it down as I think.
Ok aside from that let's talk Reunion...I suppose its easiest to come to where you guys are...I def think a Chicago trip is in order sometime in the next couple of months, and I naturally love Ann Arbor. However I'm a little tired of being cold. Although its not warm now, I kind of think we should plan something Big for a warm weather climate. Like I will def make a trip to the midwest probably two more weekends before this happens, once of AA and again for Chicago, but I don't want us to be limited to these two cities.
Lastly, has anyone heard how Wheeler fairs in his new city?
Kelsey from Cali came to Baltimore to have a PT grad school interview. We had a really nice time catching up and going out on a wednesday.
Our basketball team went on a 6 game winning streak only to be blown out by 30 Wednesday night, a game I did not attend.
Cassie is planning a NYC trip for the 25th or so of Feb...and I discovered I have a good deal of Facebook friends who now live in New York.
I've hit a relationship wall...Well not a relationship wall, more a Kerry wall. Like I mentioned on Chin's blog relationships just seem to be against my person at this point in time. That coupled with the fact that my physical and mental attraction to Kerry are at a point where they do not increase, it's making it particularly hard for me to see a bright future ahead. Don't get me wrong, Kerry is a pretty incredible girl, she's very attractive and a sweetheart. But you have to remember that I'm most attracted to pretty weird girls. I dunno what it is, maybe because I myself am a pretty weird person, or maybe it's because I spend all my time reading and rereading people that It's nice to have a refreshing crazy person who's hard to predict. I used to think I was a front runner in the marriage of 1502 debate, but I think i'm taking a seat to Mike O and Wheeler here. I say Wheeler of course because at the drop of a dime he can settle down and be serious with a girl, Mike because well he has nothing else to do now and might settle down out of boredom and lack of prospects. I am confident that when the time is right, I'll settle down and get serious pretty easily, I mean once I get to that point I'm certain i'll already know the girl enough to be safe with the idea of being married etc...As sad as it is to say, i just don't see myself marrying anyone I know right now. I know thats quite a jump from dating but I have known Kerry for over a year and half now so it's not like i don't know what I'm getting...I used to think that you could change people to be your "type" or what you were looking for. Now I believe that is complete Bullocks. Honestly, people have to be allowed to be themselves. Sure there are times when one person in a relationship concedes to the other because thats what you do when you're in love, but the basics of that person do not change. At some point you have to realize that you just aren't really compatible or a match with that person.
It's not that the prospects of Baltimore or Towson seem so much better to me, infact they seem pretty slim, but that isnt the reason for my declining interest. I felt like I was just waiting, waiting for a "a ha" moment where I fell for Kerry all over again....that moment I fear isn't really coming. I am certain of one thing now though, I can and will be a great boyfriend for whoever I date. I like doing things for girls, surprising them, sending flowers, leaving little notes, you know all that cute stuff, so relationships themselves are appealing to me, I think I just need to not allow myself to settle because of my situation.....There's a saying that we overuse in basketball when we coach, "Time and Situation" Thats usually meant to tell the kids to slow or speed the game up depending on if we have the lead or are losing, but I think it works more generally as well.
Allow me to explain: I move back home knowing that Kerry has been waiting for me my entire 5th year at Michigan. I pretty much disowned all my high school friends and have spent almost no time going out in maryland since college so I have no kind of social network. In comes Kerry still very much in like with me bringing a whole new world of college all over again. All her friends are still in school and doing the partying thing and that appeals to me. I feel safe letting myself become assimilated into her world and just go with the flow. I tolerate her friends and crazy roommates because well I think it's what I want and should do. Theres nothing wrong with that right? We are meant to learn by Trial and Error and that can't happen without the Trial part. So what have I learned...that just by being with someone doesn't mean you'll continue to feel the same way as before or even that your feelings will grow...The thing about long distant relationships are that you never really know what it'll be like when you're together, now I know.
Next comes the hardest part of dating, ending the relationship. I don't really know how to progress here, I mean I would be a hypocrite if I didn't express to her my feelings first, the way I just did here, but this always ends one way, with Someone getting hurt, even if mildly. Well I can only hope that when she thinks of the guy she lost her virginity to she doesn't think all bad thoughts...like unfortunately some girls out there probably do...I should note that I'm not doing anything now, just thinking through it and writing it down as I think.
Ok aside from that let's talk Reunion...I suppose its easiest to come to where you guys are...I def think a Chicago trip is in order sometime in the next couple of months, and I naturally love Ann Arbor. However I'm a little tired of being cold. Although its not warm now, I kind of think we should plan something Big for a warm weather climate. Like I will def make a trip to the midwest probably two more weekends before this happens, once of AA and again for Chicago, but I don't want us to be limited to these two cities.
Lastly, has anyone heard how Wheeler fairs in his new city?
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