A Holiday Blog

Happy Holidays Everyone.

Christmas was good, spent a lot of quality time with the family in the basement, playing cards, and wii, and other sorts of games. But one thing I noticed this year is that Santa was really determined to get me to reconnect with old friends. Now I understand that kids always come back home for the Holidays, after all Christmas is the one time a year I used to come back home from school, so I guess it makes sense to run into someone every now and then. But almost every day there was a text message or a phone call or a "a saw your mom in walmart" conversation I was having with people who wanted to know how I was doing and who claim "its been too long." I don't know what brought on this blast from the past, but seeing as how I am still having a bit of difficulty forming a new circle of friends, why not have some people that were part of my old one.

Another interesting thing happened at about 2am my time, while I was already asleep; I got a text message. Usually no one texts me that late unless they're from Cali, which coincidently they were. I got a message from Helen, a friend of Wheeler's that we went to Wisconsin to visit one indoor Big Tens. She says that she's super excited because she just realized I live in Baltimore and she does too. Then out of nowhere the text " matt says hi and he's sorry he hasn't kept in touch." Now Matt is still like a brother to me, a long lost brother, but a bro none the less, but I still think it's sad that I had to hear it from someone who I haven't talked to since, well about Junior Year. And im somewhat guessing that alcohol was involved because later the "do not respond to matt" text came followed by a text from his number "i love u." Weird night indeed.

Moral of the story, maybe Santa really really wants me to take the reigns on this one and is given me a sign. After all this time of not hearing from him I admit this is a weird first form of communication, but its communication nonetheless. Seeing as how Mike D and I and the rest of 1502 have wanted to make a little Boston adventure for awhile now, I decided that I will try to make that happen. I'll call, and keep calling Wheeler for the next couple of days and maybe find out whats been going on in his life and what not, and see if its possible to go see him. If not, then I recommend a reunion in Boston anyway, and maybe he'll show up ha.

As for NYE, I have settled on a "party of the year" as my destination with my crazy and out of control best friend. I think I'm just bored and looking for some excitement and something different, so I'm almost certain this party with be something different.

To the rest of you, Happy Holidays again and see you in 2011....Hopefully Jan 2011.

"You do things when the opportunity comes along" - Warren Buffett

If you guys don't know who Warren Buffett is then you should look him up. The reason I selected him as a person to quote is because this past weekend my head coach, Doug, met with Mr. Buffett to discuss some business, and yes thats a pretty big deal.

A good amount of things have happened since my last blog, I almost feel bad for leaving them till today because I will almost certainly forget them, but I'll just give the sparknotes version of the important stuff.

We won our first game on Friday, and lost our fifth game today.

On Saturday Night I went out for the first time solo to a Christmas party. I went alone because 45 was at work and well I was curious to see what it would be like flying Stag. Its been probably over a year since the last time I was left at Ricks alone, which is the closest thing to going out alone that I've done, as you 1502'ers know. I must admit it was very fun. Maybe it was the fact that it was an ugly sweater party and possibly because the age group was mixed, from 21yr olds to about 30 somethings, either way I just seemed to mesh in well. The only problem with going to a party alone is that well at different parts of the night you end up exactly that, alone. I would look up and see that guys were with their girls, or friends huddled together and I was kinda just floating around. That was really the only downside, that and the fact that my random draw partner for the Beer Pong tourney decided to not hit a single cup. Lost in the first round, another shout out to 1502 ha. But I did manage to meet a couple of cute girls at this party, most of them taken however. All in all I realized that I miss house parties, at least college house parties. I miss the dance floor where I did most of my damage, and I  miss the keg talks and random drinking games we would start and join. More and more I see how different life is becoming now that we've moved on and yeah adjustment is going slowly.

Sunday was a football day of madness, but other than that not much to note of.

The other reason I selected that quote is because it makes me think about 45. Opportunity. I have one here with a good girl who really likes me and yet I hesitate. I don't want to hurt her, and deep down inside somewhere I feel like I will. It's because I know that no matter what happens, I won't want to cross over into that really serious phase of a relationship just because my direction in life at this point doesn't have room for something like that. What I mean is that I don't know where I will be next year, probably coming back home for the Holidays but I don't know where from. And to get serious now without a direct path in front of me just seems reckless. So I've decided to talk to her about it and just let her know flat out. I like you, like spending time, like hanging out and hooking up, but I do not want to get any more serious than we are now....How will that turn out exactly? Who Knows.

On a totally different note, as you know I'm mostly an optimistic person. When it comes to future events and finding the bright side and everything I'm mister positive. As you might also know when it comes to people I'm pretty negative. I almost never give people the benefit of the doubt because more often than not people suck. They are bad by nature and even worse in reality. But usually I look friendly and you'll never notice. I had no idea, couldn't fathom really how bad kids have gotten these days. On friday morning during a sub job I get called down to the principals office. Yeah like in High School as if I did something wrong or skipped class. I then watched a video of a class I subbed for previously, and in this video, in the middle of a classroom, two kids were pretty much dry humping and making out. Yes in the middle of the classroom. SoOOO many things wrong here: First, a girl was taping this whole event....kinda messed up.
Secondly, the entire class was watching and being quiet during the event....pretty messed up.
Thirdly, two kids were making out and dry humping in the middle of class....Very Very Messed up.
And Lastly, I was supposed to be watching the class and I managed not to notice this whole thing....unforgivably messed up.
I was speechless after watching the video. I had never imagined that people would ever even think to do something like that, much less tape it and watch it. And oh yeah, the girl who tapped it decided to POST IT ON HER FACEBOOK....ugh.

Moral of the story I got sent home for the day and I'm on some kind of substitute teacher probation. Don't get me wrong I took all responsiblity for that day. I'm supposed to be making sure kids are behaving correctly and doing their work and clearly I did nothing of the sort. You may wonder how something like this went unnoticed, well pretty much I was doing research of other Basketball teams on the teachers computer, and unfortunately for me, because I cannot multi-task, the computer was facing away from the kids. So for the 10-15 mins I was looking up the other teams on our schedule, two kids were putting on a softcore porno in the middle of my classroom....The life lesson I took away from all this is that kids are way worse than I ever imagined they could be. I do my fair share of PDA, stealing a kiss in the hallway maybe, but nothing in class and nothing near that level. Who even thinks to do something like that. It is beyond me.

Well I am currently awaiting a phone call to hear if i'm allowed to take my already booked sub job on Wednesday, which coincidently is for the same class where all this happened. I will update you guys on what happens.



On another side note, the party on Saturday was a BYOB party, which I found to be fantastic. Not only did they save on the cost of alcohol, but drunk people almost always leave their extra behind as we always buy way more than we need. Now they can drink for free for the next month at least. If we have a reunion party sometime in the future, let's apply this method.


Here's to hoping my kids learn how to become somewhat respectable adults, and learn how to win a basketball game.

I Can't Help It

So recently I've been hearing a lot about New Year's plans and what not and honestly I must say that this year I don't really understand all the hype. I mean sure I don't have my 1502 buddies to plan something crazy with, but just from my experience you don't need an extravagant night out to make New Years a good time. Don't get me wrong, I'm still all about dressing up and going to fancy parties, I'm just not that excited about doing it for myself. And for the record, I think your outfit looks good Chin.

So my quest to find new friends has been going. Not well or bad but going. I've met a couple of girls and a guy or two, but so far their personalities aren't ones that I "have" to be around. What I mean by that is that most of the time hanging out at home sounds more appealing than going out and drinking with my new buddies. Moral of the story is that I've done it all before, and most of these people I meet are still ripe college age and all about the "South U" scene so to speak. I guess the more time I spend apart from that world, the less I want to do it when someone invites me. Granted, whenever I go back to UM I will def go to Charlies and Ricks, but its really just not the same here.

In addition, 45's gf prospects are really looking down as of late. At the end of the day there's one thing that makes me realize this, I just don't want to see her all that often, or rather I don't get excited about the prospect of seeing her. I mean she's a nice girl, but maybe too nice. In her case the most surprising thing she's done is get in a fight with her best friend roommate and cry, other than that I know exactly what I'm getting. While I've been debating whether to make the next step into dating or not I've been thinking about my past girlfriends, all two of them at UM. I've realized that compared to 45, those girls were all around better matches for me as in what I like to be around day in and day out. Sure they didn't work out, but it just seems that 45 is like going backwards rather than progressing in terms of finding the eventual "one."

So this week my plan is to meet someone new at the Gym. Yeah I've decided to stop being lazy and start going to the Gym again. It won't be the same without having Chin with me, and frankly I'm pretty mad at myself for not capitalizing on having a willing, enthusiastic, and very capable lifting partner but I think this will be a good test for me. I've kind of settled in a lifestyle now that I'm home and I need to make sure I can still press myself to do certain things. Mainly my decision came from while I've been coaching. The kids I have seem to have a real losing mentality and lack of winning spirit, and honestly its pretty depressing. There's a lot of negative energy swirling around these kids so I've decided to just purge myself by working out, I'll let you guys know how it works out. Also as Chin may recall, one of my favorite places to watch girls, in a non creepy way, was the gym. Something about a girl who is willing to work out, likes it, and in athletic clothing just really gets me every time. Sure I have a distant hope that I'll meet some beautiful, funny, friendly, and cool girl while working out, but for once that's not my first and primary intention. Hm I just totally spaced out while writing this and have forgotten what else I wanted to talk about. Looks like the Ravens are trying their best to blow another lead. Till the next one.


Here's to being 0-3

No worries we'll win the next 17 and end up 17-3

Box Out

So our basketball season has finally kicked off, and much like the seasons in the past, we start 0-2....Why then am I not sunken into a depression and staying in bed all weekend, well firstly because it's different as a coach, I mean I don't really feel like I personally lost the game. 2ndly, because of our situation. I mean yes the boys are playing at a very low level right now, but since it's a new system, all new coaches, and a new mentality, we expect the kids to get off to a slow start. Every game (2 a week) we see more improvement and learning on their side so after a week or so I think we'll start to hit our stride....Being a coach is kinda like being a manager, I mean you go through all the practices, do a lot of the hard work thinking of practice plans and activities, but at the end of the day, you have to sit on the sideline and count on the team to execute. Hopefully these guys will get their act together, but I have to admit, at the moment we are Mentally Weak.

On that same token, its not just the guys are weak as basketball players, most have a good amount of talent and all, its that they are weak as individuals. They have garnered this losing mentality for so long that they just fall back into at the first sign of any trouble. Being a substitute has really opened my eyes to the world of adolescence.  Back in my day, we were good kids in High School. I mean yes HS is a joke, but at least we went to class, did our work, and were respectful to our teachers. The kids today in my HS do none of the above. Its a very grotesque picture and image of what it used to be like in my HS and it really makes me sick. I don't know where this new generation started to go wrong, but it is very very bad. I spent an hour in the teachers lounge on Wednesday and hearing stories from the teachers just blew me away. When I was a kid I used to think maybe these teachers are just bad people, you know giving homework and stuff that was pointless, but at the end of the day I did it. Now that I'm learning how to be an adult I realize that all these teachers are trying to do is help the kids, and what do they get in return for their hard work, insubordination. Needless to say, those kids who are my responsibility, the ones on the basketball team, have a very hard lesson to learn about respect and how to act, and I will make it my number one priority to teach them. If they happen to not want to listen or learn, then they will by all means by the most in shape group of disrespectful kids out there.

On a side note, we played Patapsco high school last night. Just so you understand that this new generation lapse in discipline is wide spread...their coach actually let a guy START with an ANKLE BRACELET on. NO not the type you buy at Forever 21 or Limited Too...the type that is issued by the Police Department. yup apparently he is involved with some drugs or something, but the moral of the story is this coach not only let the kid stay on his team, he had the nerve to put him in the starting line up....What kind of life lesson are you teaching. "Oh hey kids, its ok to beat some kids up and deal drugs over the weekend, I'll just let you start on monday." This coach got a piece of our mind at the end of the game I only hope that he gets his act together.

For kids to learn how to do right it starts in the Home. When the parents are negligent for whatever reason, its up to Coaches, Teachers, and other Adults in their life to do our best to keep them on the right path. I only hope that we as educated people, understand our responsibilities to the future generation because when its time for me to bring my kids into the world, I expect that their coaches, and teachers, KNOW Better.


Big ups to the UM Soccer Team for blowing a 1 goal lead and giving up 2 straight to almost make it to the college cup finals...Maybe they should watch a video on Akron rather than making Youtube Videos in their spare time....But I can't completely hate on the team that woke me up at all hours freshman year to fight my roommate; As a Michigan man I have to say Go Blue and congrats on even getting to the semi-finals in the first place.

Entertain a Grenade

What a successful weekend I would say, I forgot how much fun it is to have a wingman with you. I'm pretty sure Mike D had a good time too, while we weren't winning any rounds on the golf course, we at least got to see some very attractive ones and held our own. I think Mike D would do well to live in a big city some point in his life, it would be interesting since he's used to towns like Ann Arbor Wittenberg and now New London.

Does it count as "New Friends" when they're friends of 45, if so then I met a good number this weekend, if not then I have failed. But while we're on that subject one thing that I find myself lacking with 45 is the ability to be a "fun loving" group. What I mean by this is that it seems all of 45's friends are really apprehensive when talking to me, like they won't dance with me and keep conversation topic to that of people you're friendly to but don't plan on really getting to know. For the first time this was different last night, but the ladies in question were just work buddies of 45 and not her close knit friends. It just sucks, I'm used to friends of Dawson's who were great, I mean when we all hung out together no one was feeling uncomfortable or worrying about if it was ok to touch or dance or be flirty friendly. I know she likes me, a lot but there are still things I'm not ready to commit with in terms of the whole relationship...Like last night she came out to meet up with Mike D and me, but had an alternative plan the whole time. She didn't tell me about her plans until after 1.) I had already committed to spend the whole evening with her and 2.) before I had a chance to plan accordingly. It wasn't anything dramatic, but she wanted to head back uptown to Towson, where I live, and we were in the city, Baltimore where Mike was staying. I just felt bad having to make Mike D drive all over the place and it ended with him driving back to his hotel alone at 5 am in a city he doesn't know....And to top it off she responded to me being slighty agitated by this with saying "well you didn't have to come with me...." Like She really would let me know both nights in the weekend without hanging out with her. Oh well If this were a weighted scale of whether or not to be ready for a relationship, the scale is def tipping in the friends direction.

Thanks for finally talking to us Cass and I wish you were here too. Also can't wait for another reunion...I'm thinking a weekend in Jan perhaps?

Taylor Swift

Ok so the title has nothing to do with this post but I just watched some of a E Special on Taylor Swift so I couldn't get her out of my head. She is single handedly my favorite celebrity crush right now, in case you guys were curious.

Neways, Mike D came into town yesterday and for the weekend with a coaching convention downtown. So naturally I had to head into the city as this marks the first time any of my Mich buddies as actually been in my hometown or relatively close to it. We went into Fed Hill, which as I explained to Mike is like the South U of downtown. It's where all the cool college kids hang out and as I learned, a good group of older kids hang out too, like 25-30. While I was having a conversation with this very attractive girl she stopped to ask my how old I was, naturally I upped my age a little bit as I could tell she was of the older variety, but still 24 wasn't quite old enough for her. Since I've been in the semi professional world I've had a couple of these encounters, where at the end of them I feel like I want to be older. BUT for the first time I thought about it and asked myself, Do I really want to be 27 in a bar looking to pick up girls? and my answer was NO...So I guess its really not all that bad, and I really need to enjoy these young years we have in front of us.

Another issue im dealing with is 45. She expressed to me her notice and discomfort with my lack of effort towards the relationship as in never wanting to drive to see her or what have you, and I guess the time for a talk was overdue. So this thing can go one of two ways, it seems like I've worn out my grace period for just "dating" or the timeline for being in an "unofficial" relationship; It's either we progress forward, and make things official, or we head backwards, to the realm of friendship....This decision is usually simple enough, I almost never want a relationship so I usually open all interactions with the same script. This time though I'm not sure what I want. I'm not against a relationship, in fact I've contemplated just going into one many times already but somewhere something inside me hesitates. I don't think its the kind of hesitation that i might be making a mistake on my part. Like I'm not thinking about who or what else is out there for me. I think its more Im concerned on her part. Once we make this leap, once we allow ourselves to really get emotionally committed, then there's no turning back from heartbreak, from the pain of fighting and all that other jazz. I'm certain I can handle all that but do I really want to put her through it.....I know its not my place to decided for her if being vulnerable is a good thing, after all I'm pretty sure she's a big girl and if this is what she wants I shouldn't stop her, but history is a circle and I feel like in the place I'm in now, there is no end for a relationship but a sad one.

I Remember who I was

All in all this was a pretty great Thanksgiving weekend...starting from Wednesday Night.

For the first time in a long time I decided to take it back to high school and hang out with some friends from back in the day. I guess I had forgotten that people actually "come home" for Thanksgiving break since I was used to "home" being Ann Arbor. I have to admit that at first I was pretty bummed about not being back in AA for dinner at the Petosk household. But what I had noticed is that this idea of longing or missing things from AA had become a theme in my life and pretty much keeping me from moving on. So in order to counter that, I decided that a trip down High School lane, perhaps to reconnect with some old friends and make new ones, was  exactly what I needed to make my transition into Baltimore life a little easier.

So on Wednesday night I hung out with my old best bud Greg, and then my old friend Jerry and his Girlfriend Lindsay. We were later joined by a couple of old Loch Raven people that I'm not really friends with but still cool with so it was a good night. We each got a six pack and switched beers around, so it was a bootleg version of find the beer ha. Also we played 21 cup beer pong which is very fun. It's pretty much Civil War, without the violence and with more cups. It was weird for me to see that pretty much all of my good friends from back in the day are wifed up pretty seriously, it just means that the boys night out nights will not quite be the same.

Thursday was your typical Turkey day, stayed in and watched football all day while my mom made an amazing dinner. No one wanted to go out Thursday night so we just stayed in playing some Black Ops.

Friday was pretty much the same scenario. We had  bball practice then I went to visit Greg and see his new gf. She's pretty cute and they look like they're a good couple. I plan on visiting him up at his school he teaches at sometime in the next month or two. Friday evening we rediscovered Zombies in Black Ops. Now we're all hooked again since Stowemoney is in love with it. I guess I forgot to mention that Chris came to visit and has been here for a week. He's just as crazy and funny and awesome as usual, the funniest part being that he has missed a good number of fads that came to America because he was in Korea for the last couple of years. The last "dance" he remembered was  Soulja Boy ha ha.

Last night was interesting. All day we again played Zombies and just hung out hoping for  an Gayhio State Upset but unfortunately UM blew it again. Around 8pm we headed into the city for what I thought would be a crazy last night out for Stowe. It started pretty good, an acquaintance and I ran the beer pong table and each were award 4 free drinks at the bar, a reward I have yet to capitalize on. Around 11 everyone decided to head out but I stayed back and waited for 45 and her entourage to arrive. When she finally got there it was just her and one other person, and sadly enough I was losing my buzz. We decided to head straight for the bars to catch up with everyone except that her friend wasn't 21....I wasn't too happy that she came downtown without an ID or plan but we went with it...fail. She tried to use 45's ID to get in and the first bar saw right through it and took the ID. Now I was left with an underage girl and an ID less 45. So i decided to be the nice guy and stay with them, believing that we would just be able to find something else to do...fail again. The friend spent the rest of the night complaining and preemptively planning her March 21st birthday. Moral of the story, we went back to their house and by the time we got there I was sober and bored and a little annoyed so I just went to bed. Official bedtime for last night, 12:45....Yeah not quite what I had in mind at the beginning of the night but oh well. I just discovered that while some people have the ability to salvage a night after a misstep (1502) others lack in the same area.

What did I learn from this weekend....
1.) Cassie is still just as crazy as ever ha
2.) Some high school friends are worth keeping around
3.) Just because you like a girl doesn't mean you'll like her friends
4.) Black Ops Zombies is addicting and fun
5.) Ricks is really the only bar you can go to everyday and somehow still have fun


Here's to everyone coming home from school again in like 3 weeks.

Baby I've Got a Plan....Runaway as Fast as You Can

So I've been thinking about this whole theme thing, and I agree themes are nice, and they help to keep things spontaneous, entertaining, and most of all fun. To me themes are kinda like goals, you want to make them but you also want to keep them relatively small, as to not try to over extend yourself. I've always been a fan of changing things up, so I asked myself how could I apply this to a theme? Then I looked at my current situation and also asked myself, what kind of changes would I like?... after much deliberation I came up with what I think is a good theme for December....New Leaf December.

What does this mean? Allow me to explain.

My idea is pretty simple, every week or maybe even every other week, we have something new that we are trying to accomplish. For example, I'm a big advocate for New Friend Friday...in which our goal is to simply not just meet someone new, but meet someone new with the idea of gaining a new friend...something that I need these days ha.

Then there was New Taste Thursdays....a day where you can try something new in the food or drink category....Never had Indian or Ethiopian, give it a try...A wine you always walk by but still haven't tried...give it a taste....or maybe its a drink you always see girls sipping but you wonder if you'd like...This is the day to do it. Also New Taste can be Tuesday also, I just like alliteration so it doesn't really matter which day you choose. I understand that circumstances don't always allow for this kind of thing to happen every week, so I say at least twice in the month of December we try to apply this theme, and then we blog about it of course. Thus far I haven't really thought of any other themes for other days but I just wanted to share my basic idea.

Some other possible thoughts I had were New Move Mondays...yes where we try a new dance or one that we've always wanted to learn. So far I haven't really put any thoughts into the weekend, but I'd like to think that the themes would make more sense in a going out type environment since it is the weekend. Let me know your guys' thoughts.

Everybody Dies But Not Everybody Lives

Pink Friday leaked, or dropped today, I'm pretty satisfied I must admit. In the absence of Lil Wayne I've grown pretty fond of Nicki Minaj and recommend the listen, if not the download, to everyone out there.

Today is the first day where I'm in charge of conditioning, I spent all night laying in bed wondering what I'm going to do with them...should I make it unbearable type conditioning in which they will hate me? Or should I take the "this is only going to make you stronger route" Ah who knows, basketball conditioning usually consists of suicides, which I think are not that difficult and outplayed so maybe I'll just get creative. Creativity, what a nice concept.

So earlier I mentioned "shopping around" What I meant by that was not necessarily girls but friends. Right now the only females in my life are my mom and 45...So from that standpoint I would love to add a couple of more friends in the mix because having girls around never hurts and I like to have a girl's opinion on things. So the other night I was out and very drunk and very bored, I reconnected with an old friend from high school, she told me we should "catch up." Usually when people say that to me I ignore them but in this case I think I might try to reconnect. Why? Well first of all I did a little facebook "searching" and saw that she seems to have a nice group of NEW (meaning not highschool) friends that she hangs out with on a regular. So that seems like a good opportunity to meet some new and hopefully interesting people. Secondly, I really am just bored seeing the same people now so in the very least one night out with someone new should at least sate my appetite for a little bit. And lastly, I always had kind of a baby crush on this girl, the first partial asian I ever liked ha. That was for Chin. So neways I'm thinking I'll give her a call thursday to set up some weekend plans. On a side note, Chin commented on how he thinks that at times he's a little OD with girls rewriting messages and overthinking situations, I agree but I think that even though most guys won't admit it, that's something that we all tend to do. There was once a "guy code" that dictated how long you had to wait to call a girl back and stuff like that. Personally I've suffered both fates. Being overly enthusiastic when I met a girl and annoying her to the point where she wanted nothing to do with me. And conversely being too laid back until she lost interest. My solution...if you want to see a girl make it obvious to her, texting is always a good choice as long as you don't draw them out but you get right to the point. If she doesn't respond, don't fret, more and more people are busy and forget to write back or something like that. Wait a day, shoot another text. If you still don't get a response then cut off instigation, and after a week if you don't hear back from her than she's not that interested. The worst case scenario is me and hairflip girl who "seems" to be really excited to hang out and what not, but then when it comes down to making concrete plans, does the best disappearing "I wasn't around my phone" act I've maybe ever seen. Moral of the story, don't hang yourself out there to dry, and like I tell all my buddies in COD...Don't Chase...Well maybe not so applicable in this case but definitely don't Over Pursue.

Here's to making kids run until they break, and then saying One More

Made

Well lets see where are we now? Currently heading into the second day of Basketball tryouts and while the turnout is much less than I expected, at least the kids recognize a change in the old ways of doing things and have shown up with a desire to do great.

Having a conversation with my dad and lil bro last night, mainly about his college visits and choices, my dad and I agreed on one thing, which doesn't happen often. We both agreed that Greatness is not something that you are born with (except in special and rare cases like Lebron James) but rather it is something that you are Always Working Towards. Simply put, its more of a motiviation, to be great, and not something that you should really already consider of yourself. After all, if you are already there, whats the motivation for you to move forward? Thats just a little wisdom that we shared together which was nice, especially since it's something that I'm telling the kids that I'm coaching for both basketball and track.

Similarly, I started looking into programs for school where I can maybe have a grad assistant coaching opportunity. I mean at this point I've always felt like I would want to coach as a hobby or part-time thing, so if its a way for me to get into school to and have help paying for it then why not seize the opportunity presented to me. Like I posted a long time ago, opportunity is something that comes every once in awhile, and when we miss it, its often we are left regretting and wishing we had acted differently. Another word to the wise from last night's conversation....Life doesn't slow down for anyone. In today's age where you see more people dieing of crazy things and at all ages (two kids who recently graduated from my high school recently died) we have to remember to take advantage of our situations and not spend our time idly.

Ok thats the serious type stuff for the post, the other thing I wanted to talk about was 45 and I guess on the same note me and relationships in general. Eh I mean to give a brief background, this past weekend I hung out with 45 and her friends and while yes they are attractive, I have recently learned that they're not terribly fun. Sure I have been spoiled by 1502 and UM...but there comes a time when we should not have to settle for mediocre times, I mean if I'm making the effort to go out and hang out with people the least I could do is have fun right? Im sure you're wondering, what's wrong with them, why aren't they fun? Well I don't know exactly. I mean its not that they specifically aren't fun its just that the things they like to do I don't consider that fun. There's something to be said about the randomness and spontaneous acts of 1502 that always kept us on our toes and kept things exciting. Even though we often went to the same places (Rick's and Charlies) we still managed to make each experience there unique and build stories from them. With the people I hang out with now, not so much ha. I guess the best way to put it into words, even though it doesn't really do my state any real justice, is that I'm just bored. I'm tired of the redbull vodkas, I'm tired of the sub par dancing and lack of anything interesting on the dance floor, I'm tired of seeing people ruin the dougie, haha seriously just dont do it if you are going to murder it ha. I'm all for having fun and not caring what you look like, BUT when people actually BELIEVE they know what they're doing, its the worst.

"These are the people we have picked to be with" in the case of 45, she's all about these kind of nights, and I mean I can't really blame her. When things aren't going so well she can run off with her girls and get guys to buy them drinks, flirt it up for a bit, and then come back to me knowing I'm waiting. On the flip side, I can't really abandon her or her friends to dance with what I consider much more fun people or better looking girls, because at the end of the day thats an argument waiting to happen. Double Standard? Perhaps, but too many times I've been judged and "monitored" by friends and it never ever ends well. I guess I have put myself in this situation. I'm in this pseudo boyfriend type stage that allows me to go days without talking to her and I guess do whatever I want, but then when I'm with her I'm expected to stay by her side or let her go for a bit to get some drinks and attention. Oddly enough I don't get jealous when she does that stuff, I could care less, what that says is either I'm finally not a  jealous person...or more accurately I just don't like her enough to care. Where does this all leave me, a question that I ask almost every post ha, well the same place as I started. You know how usually when you spend more and more time with someone you tend to have feelings that grow? Well for me thats not the case. I don't want to say that I necessarily like 45 less as time goes on, which has happened in the past, but things aren't going really forward, meaning they're staying the same.

What's the soultion...Meet new people. It's my solution to everything ha. Basically I still need to find a decent group of people to go out with, and then also maybe shop around and see what's out there. I'm in no hurry to find 46 but it wouldn't hurt to run some checks and balances....eh probably not the right choice of words but oh well.


Off to pracitce, where I get to make these kids do whatever I want and have them believe I know what I'm talking about...which I eventually will know ha.

More about Nothing

There is no real way to sum up my amazing weekend in Ann Arbor. I mean honestly I did everything I could have possibly wanted to, saw almost everyone and drank my senses away. As great as my weekend was there, I must admit I am not really in a hurry to return. Don't get me wrong, Hotel Arch is a home away from home, but outside of the confines of the hotel and my presidential suite in the basement, Ann Arbor, or rather the University Lifestyle, has lost a bit of it's luster. I understand that with each new class there are new people, new ideas, and new ways of experiencing college, I'm just saying that from my senior year in high school to my fifth year on campus, times were just unbelievable. The types of characters that I interacted with, just priceless. Neway, all I'm saying is that clearly that point of my life has come and gone and there is no longer a need or a real desire to try and relive that, I mean at this point it's impossible to try and replicate the people, places, and experiences I had so its about time to move on and start new ones.

Hotel Arch, I will definitely be back to visit you guys and see you off on your senior years on campus, but for the most part I will continue to try and build post-college relationships with my 1502 family, both summer and school time.

Well now that I got that out of the way, I'd like to address a fair well letter to my good friend Richard, who I will miss dearly.

Dear Richard,
I have without a doubt shared the best years of my life, thus far, with you and due to you. You took me in with open arms when I was a meager 18 year old child, and you watched me grow into a 23 year old, what I would like to think, adult. To say that my experience in college would have been just as great without you would be a blatant lie, after all, many, and I mean many of my exploits with people happened thanks to you. I mean seriously, where else can I go up to the bar, meet a girl, have her buy me a drink, and then have her take me out to the dance floor to say "hello" amongst many other things. I know that no other place will quite give me to joy or opportunities that you brought, and for that I will be forever grateful. Here's to bad DJ's, playing music on ipods, quarters, sharkbowl races, making our own drinks, identity theft, playing tag, being the only people in the bar, spending too much money and spending no money at all, seeing you almost 7 straight days, and of course here's to "hello the 1502 way."

Despite all of our crazy times together, the real reason I'm writing is to say goodbye. I know its sad, but like I said what we have is an unforgettable Past, not a present. It's about time that I moved on to Different things, while I was a wild and crazy kid back then, I am now a bit more reserved (though not much) and have to approach life a little differently. The days of random drinks and dancing may be coming to an end, but they will live on forever in my memory. I know what you're saying, "it'll never be the same without you and 1502" while I may agree, Richard you need to remember that every year you get an influx of all new children to play with. It seems you are attracting younger people these days and that's not necessarily a bad thing. These new classes with learn to love you all over again like we did, so you'll always be special to someone. Also, you know that anytime we come back to Ann Arbor we will always stop by to see you, Ann Arbor wouldn't be the same without you and we know that.

So for now Richard, this is farewell, this is not goodbye but see you later, it may be awhile but I will see you again. Take care of this new class the ones still to come just like you took care of the ones of the past. Every time I hear someone say your name, or read a post about you somewhere I will smile as I'm sure we all will do. Thank you again for everything.

Yours forever,

Stev

Fall for your Type

Happy Election Day Everyone!

I just realized that it feels like the weekend. Most likely because the two things I have been doing recently, coaching class and coaching, were canceled for the last two days...all that means is that it makes the rest of the week feel both pointless and kind of annoying....but no worries because ANN ARBOR on THURSDAY!...Wow that means I one day week for me, wonder how tomorrow will go...will i be motivated or will I just want to slack off.

I can't say I'm much for politics. Mostly because for as long as I remember I couldn't vote, which served as a nice and convenient excuse for me to not care or get involved in the governing of our nations. And then I spent a nice 5 years of my mature thinking stages in Michigan, a place I always knew I wouldn't end up living...what's the end result, well its me not registering to vote because I just didn't want either candidate to win and I didn't do enough research into what else was going on. Maybe as I continue to get older, get a job, and things start affecting me I'll learn my lesson and become a citizen.

I would say that tonight, for the first time since probably sophomore-junior year, I facebook stalked. Not one particular person or anything, but i definitely looked at a good number of pictures and peered into the lives of people that were once my close friends. I don't want to say it depressed me, just made me more aware of how far I've grown apart from everything I knew "home" to be outside of my family. A few friends are now married, no wedding invites for me, a couple others have moved to different places, penn, florida, new york, carolina and so forth. It seems that for the most part, they all kept up with each other in college which is probably why I am so separate now. I guess you can say I got exactly what I wanted. By junior year of high school I was totally over Loch Raven and couldn't wait to get as far away from this place as possible. I mean Ann Arbor is amazing, I will always love that place and feel at home there, but it always seemed like a temporary bubble that I would eventually have to get over and move on from...I suppose thats what I need to learn to do, move on. I set myself up to where I let go of my high school self, now its time to do the same for college...except I think I learned my lesson this time, I will def keep up with my Mich friends. Like Chin said we are separated by location, but I still don't know where I would be without any of those guys, especially wheeler, so to totally phase them out would be tragic.

So what am I looking for this weekend? Well simply, a great time. When I left AA I had it all, a decent paying job that let me come and go whenever I wanted...No shortage of female companions, I had Cassie and Mike O and Kenzo around to cause Mayhem with, and I had a college town which let me travel almost anywhere by foot and do whatever. Since then I've been jobless (kinda) had no real social network of worth, continued a relationship with a very nice girl, took something precious from that girl, and slowly started to walk in the direction of my future...Meaning I signed up for the Feb GRE. So lets see, hopefully this weekend I don't go too crazy, and by that I mean no taking precious moments, nothing too silly with anyone I meet or already know, and well hang out with Cass and Chin and Hotel Arch and remind myself that I am cool and people like me ha. But yeah it's going to be a nice escape, a little fresh air of fun that will help me prepare for this long haul of GRE studying, all day coaching and subbing, and repeating for 4-5 months.

On a side note...I hate the radio....So many of the same OLD songs we all loved months ago...For example, like a G6 has been playing non stop in bars(which if i'm dancing with 1502 wouldn't be so bad but when I'm the only one doing the dance its not quite as fun) and No Hands...a song I discovered before Wale's mixtape  came out, to say "overplayed" would be an understatement.....in either case I started making CD's again, and today while I was doing my "dance around in women's clothes and listen to music" routine, I rediscovered the skipping track. So here's to technology advancing at a ridiculous pace, and here's to the anti-skip function on the walkman( CD player version, the TAPE version is officially no longer in production!!!)


See you, well some of you, soon.

Professional Development

We all wear masks...


So it's clearly been awhile since my last post...not much has changed except now I am officially registered as a sub for Baltimore County Public Schools.

A couple of interesting events have taken place recently so that's going to be the subject of my post today. First of all Happy Halloween to everyone.

So this Halloween weekend started for me on Friday. Which is a little different than usual all week events in Ann Arbor but since it was my first Halloween outside of Michigan so I didn't really know what to expect and thus wasn't that bummed about making it a two night event. I didn't dress up on Friday...didn't really want to and since I'm lacking in my social network these days there is no real reason for me to go out hard or anything. I spent the evening with my big bro and his "friend" and we pregammed a bit, had some fun and went out to the bars. While at the bars we met up with some of her friends, all of which are of an older age, average like 28 yrs old ha. Either way I noticed that people of the professional world, meaning people in their career jobs already, still like to have a good time, they just do it in a different fashion. The easiest way for me to explain this is simply, take Friday night in a college town, Almost everyone is dressed up, and you see mainly if not all students out. Friday night for me was about 20 percent of people dressed up, and just as many 30+ people as there were 21-30 year olds out. Also, when you meet someone, hang out, dance(make out on the dance floor), and hang out with them back at their place.... doesn't mean that they're...dtf (for lack of a better term). In college, if you invest that kinda time in someone, and they agree to come back with you...its almost illegal to just spend your night cuddling.

So yeah that was Friday night...If anyone wants to know the exact story just ask me, but since I'm entering a different phase in my life...if for no other reason  besides the fact that I'm not as exposed to the college frenzy as before...I decided that I should maybe filter my public displays of my life, but I by no means am Shy with sharing information for anyone willing to know.

Saturday night, the prime Halloween celebration night, was just OK. Before I knew it I found myself in a situation where everyone was wifed up, literally "girlfriends" that I had only heard of through title actually showed up and came out. What that meant for me, because 45 was out of town on a family vacation, meant that I was the odd man out in every situation. If you couple that with the fact that none of my buddies(the one or two I have in MD) were out with me...it made for a pretty laid back night. I'm a pretty sociable and outgoing person, but I refuse to go out to the bar by myself, or in the situation of last night, go out looking for company by myself. It's just one of those things that you do with friends or else you end up looking like a creeper/stalker type, and I prefer to be a private creeper/stalker rather than public. So moral of the story I was bored, even with all the half naked possible companions out there, without someone to share it with just seemed pointless to me. I guess I'm again changing in the sense that I don't always go out looking for lock something up.

Ah yeah I guess I thought I had more to say than I actually did, but the idea that as we get older our behaviors  change without sacrificing the concept of fun is something that I am learning more about every day. A different kind of fun I guess we can call it. HOWEVER...this weekend I'm heading back to AA, so I guess we'll see if I really am a little different, or if I am just a product of my new environment.

Go Blue...Maybe we'll win one more game this season.

Flyer Than the Rest of Them

R.I.P. Wingmen


It might just be me, but the art of the wingman is dead.


If you don't know what I'm talking about then you are lucky. You might still be in a situation where you have a good friend or three that no matter what the situation is will always be by your side in this war. In the words of "MVP" they will be there to "entertain a grenade, or defuse a bomb." If you don't know what that means, then I feel sorry for you. It's no secret that in a lot of groups, there is a eh not so attractive person in your eyes and most of the time there aren't enough good looking people to make everyone happy. A brief sidebar: I honestly believe that there's someone in their world for everyone, every person has their own unique beauty and things about them that someone will love someday. But pretty much what I'm saying is that the world seems to be shifting to a place where everyman is for himself, the selfless acts of wingmen, which long went unappreciated, has now seemed to diminish to disturbing levels.

Sure, in my current situation I have no real need for a wingman, I mean I have a girl who likes me and she's the primary person I hang out with....BUT what happens when I want to have a guys night out. I mean everyone sex needs a ladies night or guys night, you can't possibly always spend all your time with a guy or girl and exclude the friends that are the glue to your social happiness. But at what point did guys night out lose its special code. You know that unwritten book of "guy rules" the first one that usually states "bros before hoes." I'll tell you where it went, right into the trash can next to that used condom and the wrapper it came out of. Almost every time I try to have a guy's night out, it turns into a 5 man royal rumble where every guy is just out there trying to get some for himself. I mean don't get me wrong, every guy is usually out there trying to get some, but it used to be that getting some didn't have to come at the expense of your friends. I mean more often than not, you would take one for the team to help a friend out. You didn't even really need to ask for a wingman, one of your buddies would see the opportunity and just jump right in the role. The next morning you would all have a laugh about it and everyone would applaud the lad or lads who thanks to the help of their wingman, was able to seal the deal, whatever the deal was.

I mean in today's world, and this isn't just with my friends, I've observed it would complete strangers, guys will abandon you for anything. Cute girl or not, you are never supposed to leave a man behind, much less stranded behind enemy lines.

Maybe with age the art of wingmanning just dies. I would like to think that is not so. In 1502 days we often split up at points in the night, but it usually wasn't until we were sure each member knew what they were doing, where they were going, and who was accompanying them. In this big city world I live in now, those things are even more important, most of the time we head into the city with only one car, and almost always the driver is one of the one's trying to get it in the most. What ends up happening you ask? Well more often than not, that driver gets it in, but abandons his boys who rolled with him.

I've been thinking about how this happens, and the result is simple, there just isn't a way to replace the priceless friends and wingmen of your past. I mean its more than just talking to a girl when your boy is talking to another, a true wingman knows the moves of his boy, knows how to read when he's going to act and what situation he's in. He knows when to spark group conversation or activities, or when to give his boy some alone time. These are things that come when people hang out a lot and are actually friends. Acquaintances make terrible wingmen, they just aren't cut out to be there when the going gets tough. Moral of the story, I'm going to miss the 1502 way of life. I mean every member had their own way of doing things sure, but as a unit we were unstoppable. Here is Baltimore, there is no true wingmen that i've seen. Maybe city life is just more tough with more competition so people are used to fighting for themselves. But whatever the case may be, I don't like it, not one bit.

So to all my friends of 1502, I miss you guys, for a million reasons, but most of all because we were a family. Despite the disputes or arguments or lack of cleaning, we understood each other, we were always there for each other, and that we won't find somewhere else easily. On the same note, I hope that you guys have people in your lives now that are true wingmen and women, because as I've discovered, I am lacking that.

Can't wait to the reunion times where we can all just mesh again and be merry while enjoying two eggs over medium, hash browns, sausage, and wheat toast. And Cassie with her 1/2 cafe 1/2 coco.

To true Wingmen....Stay Thirsty....Stay Safe

Blue Chips

I woke up today with 45 next to me, last night still on me, and to a basketball coaching movie called "Blue Chips" on the tv. Ha Pretty much a good morning. I have to admit, its still funny to think about me coaching basketball, and even funnier for people around me who know that I have almost no basketball experience and I really can't play to save my life. Yet knowing all this, I must say I have been very well received by the kids. So i started the preseason workouts, which at this point consist of a 1.5mile warm up run, various track workouts, various core workouts, various plyo workouts, and a game or two of 16point pick up at the end just for fun.

I thought it would be hard to get used to being called coach, but really its kinda nice. It brings with it a level of respect, people tend to listen to what you have to say and they tend to believe you when you tell them that things  they are doing are for the best. I've had about 8 kids each day so far, which to me is a good turn out considering that the AD has done a poor job of getting my morning announcements in, that and the fact that no one really listens to the announcements anyway.

Facebook was great today, I come home to a bunch of notifications, all of which entail people's surprises about me coaching basketball ha, but like I said there, and like my highschool coach recently e-mailed me, I have an uncanny ability to rally people, and I know that with me and Coach Abel (The Head Coach) we are going to change my HS's program for the better. I may not have the credentials of Cassie yet, but soon enough I'll be just as good a coach as she is, and in a sport that I have almost no background in.

I should probably start ending these posts with Go Raiders( my high school mascot)!....but no not really, not until the season starts at least.

What's Wrong with Them

Hey hey,

So I'm pretty excited for this week. I start my basketball pre-season workouts, the official first workouts I get to supervise, create, and coach myself, definitely curious to see what kind of kids I'll have to work with and how they'll respond to me. Also this week, I should be getting my substitute teacher registration information back and then start subbing...that'll be nice. And Finally I'll get to carve my UM pumpkin I've wanted to carve for years now, Wednesday to be exact. 45 and I and her roomies will be having a carving party, and yes I'm excited for something like that.

This weekend was interesting, for one reason or another I did not see 45 at all, which meant it was pretty much boys weekend out. This sounds good in theory except I realized that I really don't have any boys here in Maryland, I mean the last 5 years of my life have been all Mich wingmen and let me tell you, that makes a huge difference. Here, all the guys are just trying to get their tip wet and will by no means hinder their progress to help a friend out. I mean yeah most of the time guys are out to get some and what not, but your friends are supposed to pull back and help you out when you're in need, not the case with the people I've been hanging out with here. Long story short, I get abandoned, which wouldn't be bad if I had driven or had a place to return to, but in both cases I was left without a place to crash or a way back home...so yeah not cool. Moral of the story, I need to find some actual friends again, all my old buddies from HS have moved on, which is good, and my one best friend likes to disappear days at a time and has tended to be unreliable at the best. I still have my brother but if any of you know him then you pretty much understand.

So where does this leave me? Who knows. In regards to my last post about being unsure of 45, after spending a weekend in the city and seeing what's out there, I think that I will be more than happy to stay with 45 and just keep going in the direction we're going. Outside of my own college environment, the college town and city life just aren't that appealing to me because well I have no one to share them with. I've never been the Pruitt I can go out by myself type, so without a good group of 1502 type friends to share it with there really is nothing special about living in a college town or big city. In order to counter this, I'll probably limit going out to 2 days a week, and more than likely just go out with 45 and her group of friends, who are all really nice, attractive, and have accepted me, so nothing wrong there. I suppose I was just scared of getting too close with them and not being able to explore other options, but I think I need to keep myself in perspective and focus on getting my life in the direction I want to go, running around chasing skirts is not the direction I wish to pursue....anymore.

Well I will more than likely be excited this time tomorrow as I begin my coaching career, I'll post about that later on. Good Day All.

Foreshadow

Well its been a good week since my last post, can't say that I've done much. My progress on subbing is that everything is complete and turned in, just waiting on my registration info to come back to me. My progress on coaching, I'm starting pre season workouts this week with any of the guys not doing fall sports who want to come out and get in shape. I'm actually pretty excited about this because now I'll have a reason to work out three times a week, and everyone knows that working out is much easier with a partner or when you have a purpose.

A couple of thoughts have come to mind due to dreams and other things, most of them have to due with this whole dating situation. I mean it's no mystery that I don't usually date people, mainly because the girl always ends up getting hurt for one reason or another. But this time I really figured that I would be able to manage the feelings well, which I think I have done so far. What I'm concerned about this time is me, meaning if this is really what I want, an exclusive type deal. Starting out it seemed great because, well honestly 45 was the only girl outside of my family members that I talked to or knew here, but some recent circumstances have me thinking that that will change pretty soon. My best friend has finally broken up with his girlfriend which is for better, but now my whole wingman situation has been resolved, which more than likely means that I'll be back to going out and getting into trouble.

Having my best friend back coupled with my dreams makes me feel like as soon as I start to get around more girls, I'll start having doubts about 45 and my current situation. I mean some people don't put much stock into dreams, but I have a very vivid imagination and pretty detailed dreams, and last night I had one about one of 45's best friends, and to spare you the details I'll just say that it was a pretty intense dream. What does all this mean? Nothing yet but if this was the first half of a novel about my life, I will say that a couple weeks from now we'll probably call this foreshadowing....

the social network: The Title Game

A pretty standard set of thursday night events, followed by a basic friday....Went out into town on Thursday Night with 45 and her friends, I got to see the really cute ones that don't make it out all that often and it turns out they are actually really fun. It was the first time that we all hung out together, usually I just see them in the background with a guy or two, kinda makes me miss having my own crew of wing men and women (Cass) around....It's like I'm pseudo living the college lifestyle as most of these friends of 45 are still in school.

In any case, people have been asking me a lot recently if 45 and I are dating, I guess it makes sense for them to ask since I'm most likely the only guy they see her with, and whenever they do see her I'm usually with her. All this talk makes me wonder what the whole deal is with titles. I mean anyone that knows me should know that I don't put a lot of stock in titles, I believe that the two people involved know the extent of their relationship and don't really need to have a neat title attached to it, but on the same note I understand the mental aspects behind having some closure over calling someone a "boyfriend" rather than just a "friend."

Of course this lead me to ask myself...are 45 and I dating...I mean I'm pretty sure at this point that would be an accurate statement. She's the only girl I'm hanging out with and having relations with, and we spend a lot of time together, we like each other. Its really not much else attached to it, sometimes I pay for her sometimes she pays for me, we share drinks and beds.

The title of the post stems in part from the facebook movie that 45 and I saw together today. It was actually one of the first sober activities we've done together in a very long time, like back since she came to visit me in Michigan. The movie was entertaining, had some comedic parts, serious parts, but all in all it did a decent job of giving people some sort of background on Zuckerburg and the starting up of facebook, I mean naturally it was a hollywood movie so they added some extra drama and flair to it, but definitely worth a look. Maybe not at full movie price, but discount tuesday, matinée, or 5 dollars definitely. Speaking of discount, today was my first day paying more than 6 dollars for a movie...I'm def gonna miss Movie Tuesdays in Ann Arbor.

A while ago I blogged about why its good to be a girl...and there was some dispute and comments, all warranted and true in their own ways, but I wanted to set a few things straight as well as comment on why it's good to be a guy, as I've noticed in 2 weeks back home. First of all, I wasn't saying that girls only get by on their looks and their bodies, also I wasn't saying that its a bad thing...All of the obvious physical set backs suck and the things women have to go through to actually be successful in the world is pretty bad...Now why it's good to be a guy.

Well for starters, by any stretch of the imagination, 45 is a lot of people. And as most people would be, its kind of disgusting. I mean everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but its not something that should bring a person pride, in my eyes. Now the fact that I'm a guy makes the whole thing almost seem not that bad at all. If I were to meet a girl, and she were in my position, I don't think I would pursue anything more than a conversation with this girl. It's a terrible double standard but definitely one that only applies to girls and not guys. I suppose that makes us lucky.

Another reason is socially acceptable clothing. We all know a gentleman or two who dresses like they don't care about what they look like, and it really does nothing to hinder that guy being successful in any aspect of what he does. For the most part, all guys are required to do is wear clean clothes and shower, and most people will treat them with some semblance of respect. In relation to girls, they almost never care about what a guy is wearing in the sense that an attractive guy will still be good looking even in some shorts and a t-shirt. For girls we require and admire them when they pay attention to details in getting ready. We want them to do their nails, their hair, wear clothing appropriate for any and every situation, we want them to be revealing but classy, we want them to be sporty and sexy...pretty much we hold their standards so high its pretty ridiculous. The standard for guys, really couldn't be any lower.

In the relationship field, guys are given so much more wiggle room then girls. Girls will stay with a guy despite him doing all sorts of hurtful and unpleasant things. I'm not necessarily talking about and definitely not advocating abusive relationships, but at some point we all have known a girl who's staying with a guy for a reason we can never figure out. Last weekend I was out with a couple and the male was on the dance floor flirting and dancing and drinking and having a good time with girls all over the bar, when I asked the female what she thought, she simply replied "its ok because I know he's coming home with me." I can honestly say that I could never sit idle and let a girl "pick up" other guys at the bar and then at the end of the night be content and say ok lets go home now. I'm all for a freebie, I don't mind when I'm out with 45 and she gets a couple of drinks for free from some guys, and really don't have a problem with it when she's with her girlfriends and doing it. Hey if guys were offering me free drinks, I would do the same thing, accept them. But the point here is that guys get a free pass to have their cake and eat it too, at least with some girls, and that is a luxury that most girls will never have.

Another obvious reason is the fact that its ok for guys to be sexual being but not for girls...A little redundant but yeah guys can think about it, talk about it, do it, and even show it without getting much flack...How often do you see guys with their shirts off without anyone thinking twice about it being appropriate or not?

Ok so this by no means is  a complete list, just a few things I've noticed in my time since I've been back home. I'll talk to you guys soon.


P.S.

Go Blue.....Beat State

The Storm

Well it's been a while since I've posted...and the only real reason that happened is because I haven't really had anything of note to talk about. Some of you might know that my writing is very situational based, meaning that depending on my mood and environment I could write a book or a sentence, so in order to save just writing a couple sentences I've just waited until I had something to talk about....which I now do.

So for awhile now I've been referring to 45 as such, and up until two days ago she was unaware of the fact that she is number 45. I don't know if subconsciously I felt bad about this, especially after taking her card, but for some reason I decided to tell her best friend roommate about it. I mean I'm not much of a person to keep things to myself, especially when asked, after all I'm the first person to ask all sorts of personal questions when I meet people. So her friend Ashely approached me, at a bar of course, telling me that she was protective of 45 and wanted to make sure that the person she gave her card to was an alright individual. Ashley herself had recently given her card away so she felt some sort of personal attachment to the situation. I thought about it for like a second before I went ahead and told her what my count was, and I went through the motions of asking her "not to tell 45 about our conversation"...its the plea we've been making since middle school that almost always ends up with the person telling the person we asked not to tell and then them asking that person not to tell us that they betrayed our agreement...In any case, last night 45 flat out told me that she knew, and then her reaction was pretty much was I expected it to be....disgust.

I mean, who can blame her, here she is, an impressionable women who has been recently introduced into this world of physical activity, only to find that the person who introduced her to it was way more versed in the ways than she could have imagined. She even told me that she figured it was a "high" number, but lets be honest, very little people would dare to guess as high as the actual retail price...So what does all this mean? I have no idea. I can tell that the day she found out is when she did most of her re-evaluating and thinking and what not but at the end of the day the deed had already been done. Had I told her before my fateful return she definitely would not have given me her card, at least not nearly as easily or soon as she did, and I would have definitely thought twice or once about taking it from her.

I don't really know what this leaves me with, I'm not sad or regretful about my situation, I mean I got here on my own, took the necessary courses of actions to lead myself down this path and yet, when it seems that something of actual value or potential shows up, I appear as a different person. One thing she asked me that really stuck out.."how did you even make it happen, like how is it possible for it to be so many" Really a good question if you think about it. It required a lot of time and effort but then again not really. And to think that most of them were not one night stands, meaning that they were courses that I played at multiple times is really the astonishing part...So again, what does this mean, where does this leave me? Well for starters I don't think 45 really knows how to deal with her desire (now that she's been introduced to the drug) to keep going and her disgust at the fact that this is nothing new to me. Last night her desire won the battle, but it had the upper hand of alcohol, when I think about it, alcohol seems to be very near and dear to almost all of the interactions I have with 45...I mean she only has free time when she's not working or busy with something else, and those nights just happen to be the going out nights.

I'm thinking that maybe a sober dinner, or something should be in order, a time where we can actually express ourselves, well at least she can, there is no way for me really to make the situation any better. The facts are out on the table and I can only imagine where they will take me...


Totally unrelated...Tomorrow is my last step in the process of becoming a substitute teacher. I am going to get my finger printing done around noon and then within a week should be complete with the hiring process...Exciting, maybe, ready to start making money again, Absolutely.

Here's to the impending Storm...

"There Goes My Baby..."

Something very sad happened to me last night....I chose to witness my high school football game. You know we were never a good school in football, but at least we were competitively bad, like we would lose but the game was entertaining and we kept ourselves in it most of the time. What I saw last night was just terrible. It was like the players didn't even want to be in the game, and it showed with no fan base, parent turn out was laughable, and to call the people on the sidelines cheerleaders or dancers would be a disgrace to their names....Moral of the story, my high school is nothing of what it used to be, and that is just sad.

Besides this tragedy of a football game, my night was pretty good. Hung out with Ryan, who is dealing with his grandma recently passing. After that I hung out with 45 and her roommates, did some light drinking and had a good night.

I noticed that when you're not really doing anything, the day flies by. Like if you wake up at noon, eat once, run, shower, watch some tv, eat again, everyone comes home, you watch more tv play some video games, eat again, and then go out or go to bed...that's been my week, with some random productivity mixed in the middle...

Today I plan on setting up my "workstation" in my room, going for a run, and giving myself a haircut...which should be interesting in itself. Probably play some more video games and then relax...so yeah another pointless blog day but soon I might be inspired to write about something interesting.

5 steps, from Eternity

Well I decided that it's probably more practical to post like Chin, meaning at night time after the day's activities were all said and done.

So quick update...Last night I went to the city with 45 (who's name is Kerry btw I just like calling her 45, has a nice ring to it in my head). We hung out at Frank's place, won a mini bp best of three tourney, and then headed to a neighboring bar. A nice fun and laid back night of drinking, something that I could never really achieve in AA.

Today, I woke up at 7am to move 45's car which was parked in a no parking 7am-7pm zone. Turns out I got lost in the city and ended up driving around for over 2 hours. I guess when you spend 5 years in AA and never really drive during breaks it's hard to find your sense of direction in Baltimore, not to mention I already have a pretty bad sense of direction. I got back to Frank's house around 9:15, woke 45 up and we drove back to my place. She had to work at 11 so we hung around in my basement watching Fresh Prince until she went into work. Shortly thereafter the lack of sleep caught up to me and I passed out till around 3.

My sister "suffered" a concussion recently, I say "suffered" because I don't really understand why that's the term people choose to use for injuries, but thats a whole other story. Anyways due to her injury she missed two weeks of school, during this time her Calc teacher assigned all this online hw, which for her isn't a grade now but she still wanted her to complete it. So i spent the next couple hours of my day, helping her out with this mountain of online homework. After that I searched the government job website my mom referred to me to see if anything interested me and it really didn't, so I came up with a new direction for my next couple months...

I decided that in addition to being Assistant Basketball and Track coach, I'm going to substitute teach as well in Baltimore County. I figure thats a good way to at least make some kind of money while I study for my GRE's. The moral of the story is the interviews didn't go well, by that I mean i didn't really like the environments I was going into. On top of that, the other jobs I was looking at were for full time, which I couldn't do and coach, and were below my qualification level, meaning anyone with a highschool diploma could do them, meaning I would make less money than any other job I've ever really done.

So my Thursday plan consists of turning in all my applications for the coaching jobs and stubsitute teaching gig, gather a couple references, and then probably go out with 45 and a couple of her friends....Yes I know I traded a "dream" life in AA of working and partying, for a "dream" life in Maryland of looking for work and moderately drinking...


Good Night.

"In order to act, you must be somewhat insane. A reasonably sensible man is satisfied with thinking."

Another day, another dollar, another blog...well not really another dollar.

So I woke up nice and early this morning 7am to be precise, to see my lil bro off to school, my parents off to work, and to join my new co-worker, head coach of the Loch Raven High School basketball team. We met at our local diner, well one of the two, Towson Diner, which was a nice meal but is nothing like Benny's...I used to hit this diner up my senior year before school and 2 eggs any style used to cost 2.50....now its more like 5.00...Oh how times change....In any case Coach Abel and I had a great conversation about our backgrounds and the direction we wanted to take Loch Raven sports, at the end of which I officially became the Assistant coach of the BBall team and the Monitor for Study Tables...Not exactly where I saw myself a few weeks ago but this new direction does seem very promising.

Tonight 45 and I plan on heading into the city to check out our friend's new place. Well its new to me as I'm the only one that hasn't seen it yet. So it will be my first Tuesday night out on the town...well in Maryland...I wonder if this will start to be a thing. I don't think so though because both 45 and Frank don't have to work tonight, which has a lot to do with us hanging out in the city.

Let's see, well the security deposits finally came back, that was nice, even tho Chris wrote my address wrong and sent it to a neighbors house. Luckily they knew who we were and  delivered it to us no worries.

Man not really much to talk about today, maybe tomorrow I'll write another interesting entry, till then Happy Tuesday to the world. Oh and don't forget about the Brittney Spears Glee tonight!!!! That was for you Chin ha im sure you heard all about it at Shane's tho.

"You Can't Coach Desire"

Rainy Days
I don't know about you guys but I love rainy days. They are some of the times when I do my best thinking, planning, and writing. I suppose it's because the rain calms me, and it keeps you inside generally, which helps for productivity and what not. Oddly enough, today I learned that running in the rain is amazing too. I started my morning with pancakes and eggs and sat down to eat and what Prefontaine. If you don't know what this movie is, or have never seen it, I strongly recommend that you check it out. It's the story of Oregon great Steve Prefontaine and his journey running the 5K and attempting to win the gold medal. After sitting through this movie I had the strong desire to go for a run, and when I stepped outside I noticed it was going to rain but that didn't deter me. It was a great 20min run...

What a nice way to start my day. As for yesterday, all I did was play the Chin card and sit around in the basement watching football all day...which is actually great. Even though some of the more exciting games weren't on, there's just something about watching football that is nice.

So after my run I took a shower while listening to music and danced around a little bit. Yes I was home alone and ended up dancing, it's what I like to do, very liberating, you should try it. Afterwards I gave the Loch Raven High School (my old school) Basketball coach a call and we talked for awhile. He talked about wanting to turn the entire program around (which isn't too hard because it's been a very bad program for awhile) and he also talked about starting a study table for the kids. He spoke about wanting to teach disciple and order to the kids and how that would then allow them to grow as young men and as basketball players. All of these things I agree with so I was pretty excited. For once it seems like there's a guy who isn't just coaching for the moderate pay check, but he also wants to make a difference in the lives of the athletes and the school in general. He offered me both the assistant coach position as well as the study table mediator, both of which I am now very interested in. He ended our conversation by inviting me out to breakfast tomorrow, which I am looking forward to.

So the title quote, "you can't coach desire" was said by the Oregon head track coach in the Pre movie but also in his book "jogging." And this quote stuck with me and got me to thinking about myself, as a person and as an athlete. I loved running track, still do, always will, but my desire during those years wasn't the desire to win or be the best. It was just the desire to show up, work hard, and escape from the stresses of daily life. Its this lack of wanting to win that probably kept me off the podium but I didn't mind, in fact I loved every second of my track career and would do it all the same over again. But my life desire, this is a big question. Coming home I knew I needed to find a job. I know I wanted to help people and I had a couple of places in mind and interviews lined up. After looking more into these places they all seemed like they would be great resume builders, but I didn't know if they would give me the satisfaction, the feeling of creating real change and impact that I desire. As a kid and now all I ever want to do is positively impact the people I meet, and oddly enough this coaching gig seems like a good way to do it. So yes I still plan on continuing my education in psychology and eventually a career, but who says I can't change a couple of lives in the process.

Its more what we do that defines us, not how we do it. So while I didn't initially plan on taking this path, I believe that there is a reason it's all come together so smoothly and at this particular time in my life, so like my good friend opportunity said when he comes you should answer, and that is precisely what I intend to do.

Number 45

Well, less than a day passed before I eclipsed that special number, the one some of us figured was inevitable I suppose but still was a bit of a surprise to me. I suppose it was a long time coming, we have been friends and a bit more for just about a year now, and up until this point things have been moving at a nice slow pace. The time was right, the mood seemed perfect, and things just fell into place. How did it happen? Pretty similar to how most of the things of this nature do. Spent a night together drinking and being merry, took a nice cab ride home, and settled into a twin bed.

How do I feel about this one? I mean I told myself that I was done taking that card, you know being the first memory. The last time I went down this road it ended pretty horribly, I tried so long not to do it, one night I slipped up, and everything fell apart. Something felt different this time though, it felt right. Yes as corny and cliche  as that is, it doesn't make it any less accurate. As some of you know, I said I wanted 45 to be something more than the others, maybe even a little special, and I think that all things considered 45 was definitely a good choice. I am pretty confident that when she looks back on the night and even me so won't have anything negative, well until I somehow find a way to ruin things and make her hate me. But again now that I am home for good, I think that it is well in my control to keep that from happening.

So to put the day into perspective. I woke up relatively early, around 9 am, went for a run through my old middle school's cross country course. It was nice to be home and wake up in a room that wasn't the basement. Anyways so came back from my run enjoyed breakfast with my mom and pops, picked my lil bro up from a soccer game, he's the manager now, and then spent most of the day playing with my computer. Around 4pm I was picked up by 45, she took me on a nice little adventure to gather her stuff from her summer hang outs and I saw her new place. Man everyone has really nice houses they live in these days, the only issue is its a good drive away, like 15 minutes, when she used to live 5 blocks away. When we finally left her house to return to mine, SURPRISE, a bunch of my friends and family were waiting here for me for a surprise Welcome Back party. Man I love my family, and I love being home.

So at this party my mom made all of our favorite finger foods, wings, meatballs, and burgers and hot dogs. We had a couple cases of keystone light and 45 and me went on a 5-0 beer pong streak. I think this is where my drunk came from because we played 2 beers a game but she was drinking wine most of the time so I was drinking about 2 beers a game. Afterwards we headed into Towson to the bars, had a great time dancing and drinking more, and then took a cab ride home. It was my very first cab ride in Maryland ha. We usually drive or go out close to someone's house and walk back. Apparently I was very friendly to the cab driver. Randomly in the night I had asked 45 if she was still in possession of her card, and she said yes and that she thought I was a good choice to give it to. This conversation must have been playing in my subconscious all night because as soon as we returned I took her for her word.

So thats all the details you get for now. Nothing too spicy or crazy But yes 45 has come, she's great and hopefully there is a long time before you guys here about 46...if she ever comes! ha.

Back in the Act

Ladies and Gentlemen, it is with great pleasure that I give to you my first post from Maryland! I hope you guys enjoy the new background, its the wonderful city of Baltimore.

Go Blue.


So Chin's blog did a very nice job of summing up our time together and putting a nice heartfelt touch on everything. It really is going to be a big lifestyle change for all of us 1502oers....well I guess for Me Cass and Chin...As wheeler has already separated himself and Mike we're not real sure where he lives or what he's up to, other than his music. My plans for the next week or so are simple. Make myself a nice room to live in for the next year, set up my computer, set up my FFXIV account, and visit my sis for the first time at Wake Forest. There are a sprinkle of people I'll get to see, most of them my family, but I have a couple of friends that it'll be nice to get back in the swing of things with. It's odd being back because everyone has already settled into their lifestyles and I kinda feel like its my freshman year all over again. Everyone is a junior or senior well on their way and im the old new kid on the block.

Ah yeah its the middle of the day here so not much to talk about really, Think we're heading to Towson tonight, my local college town, to hit up some bars and hopefully I can find some Octoberfest. This whole not drinking most of the week thing is probably going to be my biggest adjustment, but Im guessing it'll have some positive effects on me ha...In anycase I'll update tomorrow with something more of interest, just figured I'd say hello.

Midwestern Girl

It is a sad day indeed. This marks my last post from the midwest, and my last day in Wheaton with Chin....Even though we have been relatively chill by our 1502 standards, it's been an amazing trip with many good memories and lasting impressions ha. I will look back on these 3 weeks as a good way to end my time at UM and the midwest well. On that same note, today's post is my little goodbye to the Midwestern girl, without who, my time at Michigan and the midwest in general would not have been the same.


To my Midwestern Girl,
Fall
You bring with you that summer flair, that happiness those smiles, the wind blowing your hair. To the Saturday mornings and afternoons alike, where we drink excessive amounts and you fall off your bike. Where its ok to be sloppy before 12pm, and you usually find yourself passed out in a house with all kinds of strange men. You beer bong like no other, and even master the keg stand, we hang out for a week and you have no problem holding my hand. My midwestern girl. You are friendly to everyone, not just to me. But thats what I enjoy is your lifestyle, your ambition to be free. You do as you please and now is the time, its cool, for before long  you'll disappear, lost in school.
Winter
It seems you went into hibernation with all the bears, I can't find you behind the snowfall or the chilly winter air. All I can see is the body length north face, topped off with the Ugg boots, and I wonder what happened to your highlights, I can see the true color of your roots.  Your wrap yourself in an elaborate scarf covering your face and your neck, with fancy wool gloves to finish the look. All the smiles have faded and the cheering has been whisked away. The diag is empty, a wasteland and in the odd chance you do pass me by, you have no words to say. Maybe its the exams that have you all huddled inside, or our football team falling apart that makes you want to hide. I might find you at a bar on a saturday night, but by then you're with a few choice girlfriends, who are just having a "ladies night." Oh midwestern girl. Where did you run off to, my nights are lonely and days long, without the sight of you.
Spring
Just like the flowers and and bright sun, you apring into view. Like the snow and ice, your absence was just passing through. On the first nice day out you and your girls are back just like that, wearing your face sunglasses leggings or jeggings, and a tank top to match. Its spring term so classes really aren't all that bad, and you make sure we all know what is fashion's latest fad. You have that annoying giant bag, that you try to call a purse, when you turn and swing you knock things over, and under their breath people curse. But i can ignore all that glamor for you are back in my life, you even play sports, frisbee, beach volleyball the like. You lay out and read books, half naked without a care, you let all the boys run by, almost hoping they'll stare. You know you look good, you just came from the gym, where you listened to your ipod, on the elliptical machine. But again, all this is more good than it is bad, because we go out all the time and make new friends.
Summer
Here we are, our favorite time of the year. No homework no responsibilities, just good times far and near. All year I've waiting, and we've done the friend dance, now you finally let down your guard and are willing to give me that chance. We hang out all the time, no need to slow it down, we're having so much fun, and thats all the matters in the end. We go out on your boat, and just sit in the lake. We play on the sand bar, drinking the daylight away. We go floating down the river, in all kinds of funny tubes, but we always bring our cooler, full of our favorite booze. For me, its all about the bud, heavy, wheat or just plain light, and you love yourself some vodka, cranberry, tonic, water, redbull, or just anything Burnett's. We drink and are merry, and the weeks they fly by, until the summer ends, and a cool breeze fills the sky. We say we'll hang out, when school starts back up, but we both know thats a probably a lie. With the hustle of football season, i'll find another girl, and you another guy. But we don't let this impending transfer tarnish our last moments together. We sit and watch the stars at night, enjoying the end of the summer weather.


Be as bad or corny as it was, there were many good memories mixed into that mess that I wrote above, and honestly I wouldn't have wanted my time in Michigan to be any different. I believe that who we are is defined in part by our actions and experiences, and I am forever a Wolverine. I've spent so much of my young adult life in the Midwest that I almost feel at home here, but sadly my road has come to, not an end, but a turning point. This next year will be crazy, unpredictable im sure, but no matter what I know that whatever I do, wherever I am, whoever I meet, I will forever Go Blue.

"You're not from around here" "Sure I am, why do you think that?" "Well there aren't really black people in Wheaton" ..."Yeah you're right, I'm from Maryland"

Won't you take me to, Cougar Town?!


AND my small Bladder attacks again!!!

Ok so if you guys read one of my earlier posts, you will know that I classify my bladder as one of the biggest blocks around. There are multiple occasions where I'll be meeting a new friend, leave to use the head, and come back and they've disappeared!! Last night was noooo different.

To back track a little Chin and I realized that last night would be my last night of big drinking on the midwest, so we decided to do what we do best, play smash and pregame! haha good times. We made some Seagrims and Mountain Dew. Chuck joined us for the craziness and eventually we ended up biking to Rosies. I should warn you guys that biking under the influence in very bad, and against the law so don't do it!!!

So at Rosie's they had their Wednesday night 80c beer specials so we capitalized on that. The title quote comes from a conversation I had with a Cougar. To describe the scene a little bit, Rosie's is filled with Wheaton North and South old highschool buddies, like Chin's age and older or younger, and then a bunch of adults. It's a pretty small town to people usually know each other and an outsider, especially a black one, stands out. So I spent a good portion of the night trying to convince a couple people that I graduated from Wheaton North with Chin but eventually this older woman caught on and called my bluff. Surprising enough she seemed into me and we talked about how she grew up in Chicago, her previous two marriages, her two girls, how she now is single and doesn't want a man, how she doesn't have a job but owns a house and supports her kids, you know normal bar talk ha. Then things got interesting, she introduced me to her friends (a couple whom she met in her neighborhood) and told me about how it was hard for her to meet new people etc etc.

She kept asking me when I was leaving, in a way that inferred she wanted to hang out again before I left, and granted due to my intoxication I was all about it. Besides who doesn't want their own "Dr. Laura" story? But then it happened. Out of no where my bladder kicked me in the balls and yelled "I gotta go pee!" I pleaded with my new lady friend (whose name I either never learned or don't remember) to wait while I went, or even to come take a "walk" with me ha but then Chuck told her that walk really meant use the bathroom. Moral of the story, when I returned from my behind the bar bathroom trip, I saw her waving and smiling as she drove away in her large SUV.

So alas, seems like my time in Wheaton had some good possibilities, and high moments, but as far as opposite sex goes it was not fruitful. I'm still at the point where I left Michigan, but I kinda like the quiet time. Helps me transition into my new lifestyle. The not so crazy partier lifestyle, at least thats what I hope will happen.

Well I have something else to talk about that ties into this post, but I just wanted to get the story out there!

Spidaman!