Its not you It's me

"Breaking up is hard to move along is even harder..."

Seriously, I find it nearly impossible to say anything substantial when someone is crying on the other end of the phone. It was my preference not to do it over the phone, but she made it really hard for me to wait till we were in person. In order, for once, to spare some of the details for her sake I'll just let you know that at the very core of who we are, we are different. It's not the magnet kind of difference that attracts you to a person, its the basic difference that keeps you from ever crossing a certain line. It took me 5-6 months of spending all my time with her to realize this, but it just couldn't and wouldn't work out. I don't feel overly joyful, I could never really be after witnessing someone sound and appear so hurt, but when two people have very different ideas about a relationship, its nearly impossible to keep it going.

Here's a brief recap: I almost never have a girlfriend. I spent a couple of blogs deciding whether or not I was even ready/wanted her to be the one. So for me to FINALLY decide to dive head first in, that vast lake of a relationship better be deep and it better contain some kind of comfort that makes me willing to keep swimming until the end. Kerry didn't see the seriousness really in me deciding to date (mainly because she probably doesn't understand that bit of me) and thus was ok with taking certain things at a certain pace.

I am also at a very selfish point in my life. I need to find a career, get into school, and start a life for myself BEFORE I can afford to work on anything else. Unfortunately this was not to be in Kerry's case. She didn't really understand what a relationship was going to be with me at this point in my life.

A series of mis communications and non-understanding left me at a standstill point where it was either all or nothing. Once I realized that all was the wrong decision, all that was left was nothing.

I will do my best to be a friend to her, to allow her to work on her personal issues and be there, however I fear that she won't be comfortable enough with me as a friend to let me in. But I do hope for the best.

So thats it, a very non climatic phone conversation break up, but as many of you know it was definitely the best decision. I honestly believe that this break up will end up being a very good thing for her in her life, and help her set herself on a path that leads to many better things.


As for where I stand, where I want to be, on the bottom of a mountain, ready to climb to the top and see what the world has in store for me there.


Come April, I shall be ready to once again have misadventures with my 1502 roomies, until then its time to save and figure some things out.