Charm City

Some recent events in my life:

Kelsey from Cali came to Baltimore to have a PT grad school interview. We had a really nice time catching up and going out on a wednesday.

Our basketball team went on a 6 game winning streak only to be blown out by 30 Wednesday night, a game I did not attend.

Cassie is planning a NYC trip for the 25th or so of Feb...and I discovered I have a good deal of Facebook friends who now live in New York.

I've hit a relationship wall...Well not a relationship wall, more a Kerry wall. Like I mentioned on Chin's blog relationships just seem to be against my person at this point in time. That coupled with the fact that my physical and mental attraction to Kerry are at a point where they do not increase, it's making it particularly hard for me to see a bright future ahead. Don't get me wrong, Kerry is a pretty incredible girl, she's very attractive and a sweetheart. But you have to remember that I'm most attracted to pretty weird girls. I dunno what it is, maybe because I myself am a pretty weird person, or maybe it's because I spend all my time reading and rereading people that It's nice to have a refreshing crazy person who's hard to predict. I used to think  I was a front runner in the marriage of 1502 debate, but I think i'm taking a seat to Mike O and Wheeler here. I say Wheeler of course because at the drop of a dime he can settle down and be serious with a girl, Mike because well he has nothing else to do now and might settle down out of boredom and lack of prospects. I am confident that when the time is right, I'll settle down and get serious pretty easily, I mean once I get to that point I'm certain i'll already know the girl enough to be safe with the idea of being married etc...As sad as it is to say, i just don't see myself marrying anyone I know right now. I know thats quite a jump from dating but I have known Kerry for over a year and half now so it's not like i don't know what I'm getting...I used to think that you could change people to be your "type" or what you were looking for. Now I believe that is complete Bullocks. Honestly, people have to be allowed to be themselves. Sure there are times when one person in a relationship concedes to the other because thats what you do when you're in love, but the basics of that person do not change. At some point you have to realize that you just aren't really compatible or a match with that person.

It's not that the prospects of Baltimore or Towson seem so much better to me, infact they seem pretty slim, but that isnt the reason for my declining interest. I felt like I was just waiting, waiting for a "a ha" moment where I fell for Kerry all over again....that moment I fear isn't really coming. I am certain of one thing now though, I can and will be a great boyfriend for whoever I date. I like doing things for girls, surprising them, sending flowers, leaving little notes, you know all that cute stuff, so relationships themselves are appealing to me, I think I just need to not allow myself to settle because of my situation.....There's a saying that we overuse in basketball when we coach, "Time and Situation" Thats usually meant to tell the kids to slow or speed the game up depending on if we have the lead or are losing, but I think it works more generally as well.
Allow me to explain: I move back home knowing that Kerry has been waiting for me my entire 5th year at Michigan. I pretty much disowned all my high school friends and have spent almost no time going out in maryland since college so I have no kind of social network. In comes Kerry still very much in like with me bringing a whole new world of college all over again. All her friends are still in school and doing the partying thing and that appeals to me. I feel safe letting myself become assimilated into her world and just go with the flow. I tolerate her friends and crazy roommates because well I think it's what I want and should do. Theres nothing wrong with that right? We are meant to learn by Trial and Error and that can't happen without the Trial part. So what have I learned...that just by being with someone doesn't mean you'll continue to feel the same way as before or even that your feelings will grow...The thing about long distant relationships are that you never really know what it'll be like when you're together, now I know.

Next comes the hardest part of dating, ending the relationship. I don't really know how to progress here, I mean I would be a hypocrite if I didn't express to her my feelings first, the way I just did here, but this always ends one way, with Someone getting hurt, even if mildly. Well I can only hope that when she thinks of the guy she lost her virginity to she doesn't think all bad thoughts...like unfortunately some girls out there probably do...I should note that I'm not doing anything now, just thinking through it and writing it down as I think.


Ok aside from that let's talk Reunion...I suppose its easiest to come to where you guys are...I def think a Chicago trip is in order sometime in the next couple of months, and I naturally love Ann Arbor. However I'm a little tired of being cold. Although its not warm now, I kind of think we should plan something Big for a warm weather climate. Like I will def make a trip to the midwest probably two more weekends before this happens, once of AA and again for Chicago, but I don't want us to be limited to these two cities.


Lastly, has anyone heard how Wheeler fairs in his new city?