Before I get started, someone please tell Wheeler to make a blog post, at least his intro blog post that updates us in semi detail about his new life.
So what came first, the chicken or the egg? Well recently I've been wondering what is best to have first, the relationship or the friendship? My little sister just broke up with her boyfriend, usually I don't put much stock in following her dating life but the reasons she gave were of note to me. Basically she said that her and her ex were best friends and that ultimately hurt them relationship wise because they knew each other too well. Not sure if I believe and agree with all that but I just thought it was an interesting reason anyway. Everyday you guys by now know I struggle with this whole relationship thing with Kerry. After a very good talk with a friend the other day I realized that Kerry and I work pretty good as a couple, but just awful as friends, allow me to explain.
I met Kerry the last couple weeks of my 4th year summer at UM while I was home in Baltimore. We made out a couple times, and I told her I would be back after graduation in December. As you guys know I didn't go home until well into the following summer but pretty much Kerry waited for me the whole time. She came to visit UM once and I would talk to her a couple times a month while at school. So this girl that I didn't really spend any time with, became pretty attached to me and we got to know each other on that surface level, the one which you get from long distance conversations and not personal interactions. When I finally came back to Maryland, I decided to give her a chance, for reasons good or bad. It was like I had been in a relationship for a year, emotionally, but I had no idea what hanging out with her would be like and being a part of her life in person. I think this is the biggest issue for me, being a part of her life. When it's just the two of us we have a good time, we'll have dinner, watch movies, talk whatever. When I invite her to things that I plan or am a part of planning she also has a good time. I mean I'd like to think that I do a good job of hosting and letting people feel like they're apart of the group even if they don't know anyone besides me. On the other hand, I have had a handful of fun nights when I hang out with her and her friends. I used to think it was just them being weird because I was this untitled person that "belonged' to Kerry, but once I became the boyfriend things didn't get much better. Then I realized that I just don't like her friends. Sounds kinda mean but I don't think that they are terribly fun people, and they don't really like to do the same things as me. Something as simple as a game of kings or a bp tourney somehow becomes not fun as they lose interest and disappear and just talk about crap I don't care about. Needless to say I could never enjoy a good game of "you got served" with this group. Now it's not all of her friends, she has about 3 of them that I think would be a great time but Kerry isn't the planner in the group, and doesn't speak up so she just does whatever other people decide. Even taking all this into account I can still get by with pretending to be nice and having fun, i'm good at that, but the one thing that seems to stop it is Kerry herself. If i go through the trouble of hanging out with her and her friends, it is not so I can be left alone at the bar or in a corner while they do their own thing. I mean I'm not a jealous guy anymore or needy so I let her venture off and do what she wants, I let guys buy her drinks and flirt or whatever, no big deal, but at the end of the night when she says "I didn't get to see you much" I'm confused because it was her choice. My personality type doesn't allow for someone who just wants to see me when its convenient for them after they've had their fun, it just seems that pretty much she wants me out with her so she can guarantee I go home with her, and then she can have her fun with me there. If this was a friend with benefit situation then sure no problem at all, but when you go out of your way to ask for a relationship and then do things like that....ugh.
The other thing I guess I'm beginning to realize that she just isn't my type. Little late right? Well now I've having the problem of deciding what to do next. The logical step seems to be a break up right? Well yes but I think i'll try the, "let's try to be friends for awhile" route. Usually i don't like to follow mundane and cliché excuses but seriously, I think thats the part of our relationship that needs the most work. You know how you haven't seen someone for awhile and you want to talk about what they've been up to, or hear about her day, or genuinely be interested in them...yeah not so much for me. I seem to get annoyed by her day more so than anything, usually because it involves something to do with her friends or roommates and its just not interesting...
Man that was a pretty big vent session. My biggest concern seems to be meeting new people, as always. I worry that without Kerry I'll have no one to go out with and stuff, but honestly if I don't have fun then what's the point anyway. Suppose it's time to man up and just have the convo instead of being a punk and listen to my own advice for once.
Thanks for Listening.
Nicce vent session, great choice!
ReplyDeleteYou do write a lot about Kerry, which to me, means that you give it a lot of thought. I think it's good that you think about it a lot instead of thinking of meaningless thoughts like the world ending or odes to coffee.
I will give you some of the advice that you (all of you) have given me though. Don't think too much about it. I mean, I know it's a blog, your supposed to write your thoughts. So I'll just encourage you to follow your advice you put in your blog and, well, follow your advice. Talk to her about it, I think if anything, it will shed some light on whether or not she respects you enough to become more "your type".
As for talking to Wheeler, I'm still trying to do the whole "not imposing my ways" onto people so I'll let one of you guys talk to him about it, haha.