I am a Feminist.....Kinda

Don't get too excited Cassie, I'm not done the book yet and this isn't a full post designed to comment on my thoughts of the whole thing. Due to recent events and posts from Mike O I've decided to write a little about the subject on guys and girls.

To start off, I think that I deep down would be a Feminist. I think that my mom raised me to have an appreciation and respect for women, that when wholly applied, really lives up to the dictionary definition of the term. I also realize that I'm a chauvinistic pig at it's finest. After all, my whole blogging life started as a journey not of life or its lessons, but of a conquest of girls.

I talk about women as objects, as lessons, as quests and prizes, and rarely if ever as people. That is itself is a shame. What I realized is that this has just become the acceptable rhetoric of college men, and yes stereotypically of athletes. I won't get into details but my favorite time of the day my first two years of college was the stretching circle at Track practice where we would literally spend all our time ogling of the girls on the team and dissecting everything from their running form and the way they looked in tights to their performance in bed or their moves on the dance floor. Pretty much we talked about everything, and shared all kinds of stories.

HOWEVER, while our actions could have been distasteful, I do not find them harmful. YES we talked about girls as if they were pieces of meat, and YES we often discussed private matters in open forum, but we NEVER said anything hurtful to these girls, and ALMOST NEVER let our conversations reach outside the circle. The thing about guys is that they will be guys. They will talk about girls they hooked up with, want to hook up with, and failed to hook up with. Girls do the exact same thing, and sometimes are even worse. I remember waking up in a Tri Delt Senior House (yes I know an extreme example) only to hear them talk about how they guys they hooked up with had small penises or were TERRIBLE in bed. Man I felt bad for these guys because there was no detail sparred. The only information they didn't seem to give out was the social security numbers of these poor fellows. The point is that everyone in college is in a bubble where we discuss/say things that we most likely won't do outside. College in itself is a bubble that keeps us from the realities of the world. For example, how many times have YOU not used a condom? Asked a guy to pull out? Or just flat out forgot about it. This kind of behavior would never fly in the real world, especially in big cities like Baltimore of Chicago. But UM def didn't have a big STD scare, not unless you were foolish enough to run with certain athletes that you KNEW got around.

To get back on track, when I share stories with my roommates/teammates I mean no harm, and I'm sure most of us decent people don't. We don't really think that all girls have the IQ of a throw rug but it makes for an entertaining story. And lets face it, when you pick up someone at Ricks, you're not going for a quality person with a winner personality, you're going for an attractive body (MOST of the time) and someone who more than likely would be down to come home with you. When that's your set up, you're almost guaranteed to talk about them in a negative light when recapping the night.

The next comment I want to make is that right now we are at a place in our lives where we are "dating." Yes I know that Dating is a vague term with over a million ways of explaining it but for the purposes of this post I liken it to "shopping around." When I reached high school my mom gave me some simple advice. She said "I don't want you to have a serious girlfriend, I'd rather you have a bunch of different girlfriends." NO she didn't mean at once, and why she actually said that was that she (truthfully) believed that a serious girlfriend would lead to me having sex. BUT more importantly this was a lesson that stayed with me. Dating is all about finding what qualities and traits you like in a mate, so that eventually when you find someone special you KNOW it's exactly what you want. You KNOW you need someone who communicates, someone family oriented, someone with a stable job, no kids, etc. So this era we spend our time "shopping around" trading in different people for different traits and personality types. As shallow as it sounds, I've learned that I ABSOLUTELY need someone who know's how to be passionate in the bedroom. You've heard my horror stories about "the dead fish" and what not and honestly, in a lover, for me, you have to know how to express yourself in that way. Also, I NEED someone who takes good care of their personal hygiene. Again you guys know the story of the "JUNGLE" and me literally coughing up hair balls....UGH. I guess my point is that it's much easier to be shallow, mean, and a little disrespectful when we are picking and choosing characteristics in mates. Again not saying that it's the "Right" thing to do, but it's what happens so we might as well understand it.

All this is personal, I can't speak for all the guys out there who try to be "players" or the ones who literally go out of their way to exploit young women. I KNOW for a fact that there are certain Frat guys who have activities dedicated to how much they can embarrass a girl at a party and unfortunately I KNOW that some guys actually DRUG girls to get them in the bedroom. So sad, but we can't let the actions of a few spoil it for the rest of us.

Pretty much what I'm trying to say this whole time is that I'm not so bad. Cassie and I have gotten into enough "debates" about women, especially in sports, but I think it all comes down to the point that I want us to be equal. I want us to make the same amount of money, be judged the same, and treated with the same amount of respect. It's unfortunate that it isn't that way now but with America you have to know it's a land of history. This country was founded by people who wanted to do things their own way and as a result they find it difficult to change certain aspects. I for one always believe that women will be treated a bit differently, just as people in color. Those in power always seem to continue this trend and unfortunately the people in power are recycled from generation to generation.

As I'm reading this book I don't think I'm learning anything new, because well the arguments seem to always be the same. It's sad but women still will face the same hurdles that they always have because the GENERAL perception of those in control is just a "female dog" to change.

So Alas, when I write about my future conquests, as I inevitably will, on my road to 50, please take it with a light heart. Know that these girls were most likely treated with respect (minus 46) and that everyone involved had a good time. Know that I am not going out like a predator every night stalking girls and looking for the most vulnerable and easily manipulated ones. If anything you should know that I will find the weird ones, and in all likeliness our meeting will be mutually beneficial. There is no doubt in my mind that I will make one woman very happy one day, as I possess the knowledge and the personality to be a loving and supportive husband and father....but not today, or anytime soon. I always joke that I will have all girls because of my lifestyle now and I think that's accurate, the world will laugh at me as I try to fend off the advances of all the guys that will be chasing my daughters around. BUT let's face it, history is cyclical, and although they may not have had a blogosphere to write about it, our parents probably did the same thing as us. I've heard stories about "Crazy Bill Peteoskey" that I know Cassie would never want to know, and thats as it should be. At the end of the day, as long as we're having fun, and not going out with the intention to hurt anyone, whats the harm in "No Pride Night" Or in testing the "Naked Man" or doing a "Devil's Threeway" or swapping, or anything of that sort. In 10 years we'll all look back and laugh at the crazy things we did when we were becoming Men and Women, so let's continue to do these crazy things so that we CAN laugh about them later.


Yes a very confusing and confounded post so I hope it made sense in some parts at least. Don't know why I wrote it I just did.

Oh and Challenge for this week is to MEET someone at this wedding. As I've never been to one I have no idea what to expect but I think I should be able to do at least that much.

Look for "Prelude to the Naked Man" coming soon.