Prelude to the Naked Man

Well after our Sunday discussion at Cassie's I decided to write a little blog about the Naked Man. For those of you who don't know, the Naked Man derived from an episode of How I Met Your Mother (seriously if you STILL haven't seen it yet you NEED to check it out). In this episodes one of the female characters, Robin, comes across and eventually sleeps with a less than attractive man. They went on a date, she wasn't feeling him, he walked her home, and upon arrival asked for a drink of water or something that made her leave the room. When she returned to the room BAM! he was naked. She appreciated his "balls" for pulling such a move and thus slept with him.


Now Saint and I really fell for this concept. Was it true, supposedly it works 2/3 times....thats quite the success rate, pretty much equal to the success rate for Ricks on a thurs-sat bender. So thus we each set out on a quest to try it. Here is where we hit a snag, because I feel like we both were in Naked man biased situations. I have tried the Naked Man before, but ONLY with girls that I knew I was eventually going to sleep with anyway. Like girlfriends or prior hook ups. And Saint was "dating" Emily at the time so same type of situation. While this technically could still be counted as a success, I think that it really lacks the WOW factor that the Naked Man deserves, thus I've decided to set some ground rules to truly test the Naked Man.

Situation:
You meet a member of the opposite sex (on a date, through a friend, out at a club, wherever). Next after a night out together, dancing, drinking (preferably) whatever you find yourself back at yours or their place. If they don't initially invite you in, or don't seem to want to come in to your place, you make up some excuse to get them to step inside for a second (possible excuses will be addressed in a second). Once you get them inside, you again find a reason to separate yourselves for 2-4 mins (yes I made up those numbers arbitrarily). In this time span, you get completely NAKED. There are some who like to strike a pose or something here, I just think it would be good to stand at rest, hands on your hips or at your side or something. Now depending on what room you're in, you can place yourself at an appropriate place. For example, if you're lucky enough to have landed a bedroom visit then the bed of course is the place to be. And Thus we've reached the moment of truth....

Result: The Naked Man is designed to WOW or SHOCK your opposite sex into hooking up with you. It is also designed as a way to throw the odds in your favor for a mate who has been wavering on whether or not they want to get physical that night. It can go one of two ways, either you end up hooking up (success) or you don't (fail)...Let's just say that a fail could end up embarrassing or in violence or really scare the person you with, either way we only perform the Naked Man in hopes of success.

Ways to Get In: In this day and age, honestly people know how to say NO. At least most people do. There are a few, Wheeler, Cassie, who have a hard time telling someone they aren't interested, and really the Naked Man is probably prone to work on them. In MOST cases, if someone doesn't want to come in/invite you in they won't, plain and simple. IF they seem like they might be susceptible to getting you in the door, here are a few suggestions to help push them along.

1.)Have to use the bathroom. A plain and simple excuse that most decent people will allow you inside for. In this case you will probably have to come out of the bathroom Naked, or persuade them that something went wrong and they have to come in and see.

2.)Some sort of physical condition that warrants something from the house. Could be as simple as you need a drink of water (or if you're lucky another type of drink), could be you have a headache and are asking for aspirin,  stomach ache, or even u want a snack for the walk home.

3.)To get them into your house you usually want to offer them something like water or a snack.

4.) Also you can ask to "keep the night going" via a movie or video games or some show you know she/he likes on DVR (prior research and prep required)

5.) You want to show them something (make sure you say it in a NON CREEPY way, like not hey I want you to see my bed, or something "cool" (try to work it in conversation early in the night)

Naked Do's:
1.)Actually Get Naked
2.) Clean yourself up before you go out that night...a little management goes a long way
3.) Have your place look a little presentable
4.) Practice poses if you think you want to go that route
5.) Be charming, and when all else fails, DONT PUSSY OUT

Naked Don'ts:
1.) Masterbate when you get Naked.....yeah I don't know why that was ever thought to be ok
2.) Get Naked with them STILL in the room. It's just creepy to take off your clothes while they watch when the situation isn't called for
3.) FORCE yourself into the house and then FORCE yourself on them. If they say "No Thank You" please get dressed and leave.
4.) Make any mention of the Naked Man to them prior to trying it.
5.) Attempt the Naked Man after a FAILED attempt on the same person
6.) For Guys: Don't jump up and down Naked...ALMOST NO ONE wants to see that.
7.) Try it on your roommates, or anyone you've known for awhile and a friendship is already established....just doesn't work out and will only hurt your percentages.
8.) Attempt the Naked Man if other roommates are present...this is one case where there IS NOT strength in numbers
9.) If they happen to Laugh, don't abandon all hope, humor can lead to intercourse.

Final Thoughts:
So thats about it. I think that we each should try this at least once, if not for a nice story to tell. Ladies, chances are you'll have a much higher success rate than men because well guys are much easier to seduces and MOST men won't say No to a naked girl. I personally believe that the Naked Man can have a 100% success rate with all the right variables in place, but since you can't control all those I think you should at least attempt it on someone who has shown some kind of interest in you. If they have shown no attraction, chances are seeing you Naked is not going to go over well.

So with that thought I head into Ann Arbor for my fairwell part 2. I hope to be in a situation where I can attempt my first official Naked Man as then of course tell you guys about it. I wish you all good luck this weekend, and Cass I'll see you soon.