Taylor Swift

Ok so the title has nothing to do with this post but I just watched some of a E Special on Taylor Swift so I couldn't get her out of my head. She is single handedly my favorite celebrity crush right now, in case you guys were curious.

Neways, Mike D came into town yesterday and for the weekend with a coaching convention downtown. So naturally I had to head into the city as this marks the first time any of my Mich buddies as actually been in my hometown or relatively close to it. We went into Fed Hill, which as I explained to Mike is like the South U of downtown. It's where all the cool college kids hang out and as I learned, a good group of older kids hang out too, like 25-30. While I was having a conversation with this very attractive girl she stopped to ask my how old I was, naturally I upped my age a little bit as I could tell she was of the older variety, but still 24 wasn't quite old enough for her. Since I've been in the semi professional world I've had a couple of these encounters, where at the end of them I feel like I want to be older. BUT for the first time I thought about it and asked myself, Do I really want to be 27 in a bar looking to pick up girls? and my answer was NO...So I guess its really not all that bad, and I really need to enjoy these young years we have in front of us.

Another issue im dealing with is 45. She expressed to me her notice and discomfort with my lack of effort towards the relationship as in never wanting to drive to see her or what have you, and I guess the time for a talk was overdue. So this thing can go one of two ways, it seems like I've worn out my grace period for just "dating" or the timeline for being in an "unofficial" relationship; It's either we progress forward, and make things official, or we head backwards, to the realm of friendship....This decision is usually simple enough, I almost never want a relationship so I usually open all interactions with the same script. This time though I'm not sure what I want. I'm not against a relationship, in fact I've contemplated just going into one many times already but somewhere something inside me hesitates. I don't think its the kind of hesitation that i might be making a mistake on my part. Like I'm not thinking about who or what else is out there for me. I think its more Im concerned on her part. Once we make this leap, once we allow ourselves to really get emotionally committed, then there's no turning back from heartbreak, from the pain of fighting and all that other jazz. I'm certain I can handle all that but do I really want to put her through it.....I know its not my place to decided for her if being vulnerable is a good thing, after all I'm pretty sure she's a big girl and if this is what she wants I shouldn't stop her, but history is a circle and I feel like in the place I'm in now, there is no end for a relationship but a sad one.